Until I Find My Strength

• Artist: Amiel09
• Description: A self reflection essay.... something I thought of when questioning my existance late at night.
• Date: 09/29/2008
• Tags: until find strength

My life always seemed to be missing something. It wasn’t the friends I had around me, nor was it food or shelter. No. These things I didn’t lack. It was something deeper. Something that I couldn’t explain. It felt like I was missing something important, but I didn’t know what it was. Everyday felt like a chore. Every morning lacked meaning. But it was ok. As long as I didn’t know what wasn’t there I couldn’t miss it. So what if my life didn’t have meaning? So what if the sun didn’t shine as brightly as in fairy tales? It was ok. I could live my life as another story. A story that neither began nor ended. It just was.

The smile I wore like a mask contoured to my face. A deceiving mask. What is my purpose in life? To not be a nuisance to others? I guess that’s how I justified my existence. But then why am I here? I don’t have a pretty face. I don’t have phenomenal grades. I don’t have an outstanding talent. I just am. To be. To live. To breathe. To walk. To wander the roads of life. Twisting and turning, winding and meandering into oblivion. Is this what I want?

Living my life without a purpose? Without a goal to strive for? Wandering like a blind man in the dark. Holding the candle, yet not able to see the light. Is this a fault of my own? Is the solution as simple as opening my eyes? Embracing my existence. Is this too much for me to handle?

Will I ever find someone? Someone who will accept me for who I am. My strengths and my weaknesses. Someone who won’t be afraid to hold my hand, and guide me when things go astray. Someone who will be with me. Someone who will stand beside me. Someone who will give my life a purpose. Meaning. The reason for my existence. Will I find this person? Is it possible? Time is vast. I will believe in the future and what it holds. This is my purpose. Until I find my strength.

Comments

[United Republic of Jam]

I once felt that way and from time to time, it comes up. Until you know yourself and find where you stand in this world and be happy being yourself, you will be more accepted by someone who understands you and cares about you.

Comment back on my gallery if you wish. My personal view on individuality is one you can look at.

Great job overall.

[Music lives in Me]

yeah i know how u feel. i find myself wondering my purpose is. i like this story. ^_^

[Blending Unicorns]

i have that feeling...

[yUkHi]

That was beautiful Amiel09. A reflection of myself one time. Have you found your strength? As you continue to grow you will began to realize alot of things. Someone use to say to me, when you grow out of questioning life is when you have truly matured. There is a time where you stop asking the meaning to life and actually enjoy it. I know you will. Thanks for sharing this great essay. I rated you 5. This is the first time I actually gave someone a 5 rating. Here is 5000g.

[Common Reactor]

i know how you feel...