I could scream I could yell, I could tear at my face as the tears mixed with my ribbonned flesh but would that make me seem any less pathetic? After all, everyone is depressed now arent they. But really we all know they arent. So why would you have any sympathy for me. I am in fact wanting attention, Im only human, I want love to be shown to me. That however has nothing to do with my condition, as menial as it may seem.
It has been over done, and went from one bad light to another. No one really gives two shits if you are depressed now. Before it was a stigma, now all it is, is whiny teenagers thinking they are depressed because of a bad week or two. I hate those that complain, I hate myself for writing now, for complaining now but I wont stop. I already have a bad case of the self loathings so why stop now?
I looked so pathetic today at work, when I went to stock the knives. Oh its not what you think, no I didnt take one of the professional cooking knives from their holsters and start slashing away at my pale white wrists. No, there is a time and a place for everything. That time and place is alone in my bathroom as anger about my listless life is giving me more and more strength as my adrenaline rises from each cut. But I digress. Falling down in a bout of tears. I can tell you what triggered it, and I can tell you the true reason.
What triggered it was the funny part though. A lady, a b***h of a lady holding a spoon out to me telling me to price it. Now to be fair she may not have known that I was a beginning part timer at winners/homesense, or that even our stock does, as many commercials say, change from week to week and there is nothing we can really learn and remember about anything that comes in before its out. That is to be fair, to be realistic Im going to stick with my former statement of b***h. Standing there looking already displeased she demanded I give her a price for a fairly regular cooking spoon as I was stocking shelves. I told her what I told everyone, either try and find another one with a price tag on it, or bring it up to customer service and they can price it. This however was not enough for the hag. Tearing at me with her eyes and tone she all at once made me feel worthless. Because I could not give a price to a cooking spoon I had seemingly ruined her week and she decided to take it out on me. After she said a few mean things and walked off in a satisfied huff I grabbed the knives off the tank and brought them over to the proper section. Low and behold the tears started coming. Flowing if you will, rather unattractively down to the floor. Now here is the kicker I was going through some pretty bad withdrawal symptoms from switching off a medication.
Of course by kicker I mean the real reason why I was so quick to tears. How could I tell anyone what it really was though. Go up to them with tears streaming down my face and tell them I need to go home because my old sad pills were causing me discomfort? How can anyone take me seriously anymore? Nothing that hurts me shows other than tears, if I could have fainted on the section of glass and had it crash down all around me, then, THEN people would care. Because there would never be a question of belief. They could never come up to me and say I was faking for attention if I had half a glass vase stuck in my chest...right? But everything that hurts me can be questioned, it can be questioned and decided by even the best and closest of friends that it is just a ploy to control people by getting them to pity me.
True it would be a good plan. Ive had it used on me before actually with an ex boyfriend. He controlled me for a year threatening suicide. It was especially hard for me to question it because of the pain I knew I had on the inside, where no one can see it.
Needless to say this was a bit of a rant, and all my point is, is simply I hate emo kids. I hate the fact that depression is...and maybe has never been taken seriously. You cant see it, not physically and therefore I am a pathetic waste of space. I should buck up and live life yes? Yes...
- by [~Femme Fatale~] |
- Non Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/28/2008 |
- Title: Somewhat of a Point
- Artist: [~Femme Fatale~]
Just a bit of a glorified rant about my day, about depression and about things that piss me off.
I tried to write it pretty so youd think it was not just some journal entry. Believe me my journal entries are a hell of a lot less coherent than this.
As this does indeed have somewhat of a point.
- Date: 11/28/2008
- Tags: depression rant pissed
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Comments (3 Comments)
- napavine cutie - 02/07/2009
- wow,its like you know me. read my mind and stole every dumb worthless thought ive ever hads and wrote it down for all to see.trippy...
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- [~Femme Fatale~] - 01/04/2009
- such is language. It is never static and once a words meaning gets changed in pop culture then it is forever changed until our culture decides to change it again.
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- Rian_Lena - 01/02/2009
- Emo is completely over used. If you look it up in the dictionary it has a completely different meaning than the one we use. But such is life.
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