"Don't come back!" I yelled loudly as he walked out the door. He paused, then turned to glance at me. I could see the pain in his eyes, the hurt, yet I kept going. "Get out of here!" I yelled heartlessly. What was I doing? He did nothing but be there for me, always coming over and spending all of his free time with me rather then his friends. The pain grew more on his face.
"What did I do to you? All I've done was try to be a good boyfriend for you." My heart was breaking, and i knew it, but I didn't want to admit it. That's how stubborn I am, as I've always been. I made up something quick. " I was wanting you to go with me, but you didn't seem like you wanted to and now your going to your friends house after you just go here? Fine just go!" I wanted to cry, to say I was sorry and I wanted him to come back inside, but I continued. He started to walk away and I yelled after him "Yeah just turn your back on your girlfriend like you always do." and the final painful say "That's all your good for." He stopped at the corner and stared at me. His stare hurt me like a knife stabbing me in the heart. Why couldn't I just yell for him to come back? Why did I have to be so stubborn? I slammed the door not wanting to see him walk away. I went to the computer to distract my mind, but my heart had a different idea for me. I cried like I've never cried before. I text his phone but instead of saying sorry I told him I wanted my movie back.
My dad,being as worried as he usually is, talked to me, telling me that I was pushing him away because my mom had left me when I was little. He explained that because I didn't have my mom's love then I felt like I didn't deserve the love of a guy who doesn't have to love me. So I pushed him away so I didn't have to get hurt in the long run, but by doing that I hurt myself more then what I would have been going through if he broke up with me. I text him again apologizing this time, but no answer. I called and it went straight to voice mail. My heart finally lost it's last shred of hope. I cried louder longer. I got one of his friends phone numbers, and called for him. She explained that he had went to another friends house and that she would call him and tell him to call me. So I waited, but I couldn't wait for long. I rushed to the restroom and took out my razorblade. I didn't hesitate. I cut my arm deeply and watched as the blood filled the bathroom sink. I laughed as I felt no pain from my arm. I had done it. I had completely damaged myself. I kept going, cut after cut til I reached 22. The number of the day we got together.
Then i heard my dad call for me telling me that he was on the phone. I rushed to stop the blood and clean the mess in the sink. I snatched the phone from my dad and closed the door. I apologized so much and tried to stop crying.
"It will be a long while til my walls come down again." I could hear the pain in his voice. I bit my bottom lip hoping to not cry again.
"Please come over so we could talk in person."
"I don't know. My friends live far and I just got picked up."
"Please try I don't care what time you come I just need to talk to you."
"Okay I'll try."
So here I wait. Waiting for him to come back to me. Waiting to get a second chance with a guy who is all to perfect for me. Waiting for my light to come back and take over the darkness. Waiting for that one day that I stop worrying about everything and start living life.
For all those people out there who have love, keep it don't be scared. For when it's gone it's gone. True love only happens once, so ignore the trivial things and start loving the times you spend with your loved ones, the happy moments. If you don't you'll be like me. Just waiting........
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