I've never cried so hard in my life as I did over you. I spent three years of my childhood feeling confused and betrayed. I hated myself for being angry with you for taking your own life. I wasn't allowed to. I had to respect the dead. But now, I've realized that all this time, I've been mad at you.
I love you so much and yet you've caused me so much pain. The wound on my heart that your suicide inflicted will never go away, never cease to hurt completely. Please know that I love you still, despite my immense disappointment in your actions.
I was nine when you died. I'm a sixteen years old now. I wonder what it would've been like had you lived. I would've visited you at the elementary school. I would've invited you to every theater performance I did. I would've thanked you again and again to your face for your inspiration.
But you're dead.
I can't. You're gone and I never will get to. All I can do is wonder if you can read these words from wherever you are.
What you did hurt so many people. I could never hate you despite how much you hurt me.
So I've decided that I'm going to visit your grave again. I'll likely cry like I did before. I'll fold those paper cranes the way you showed me how all those years ago and I'll bring you carnations like the ones I should have been able to bring you for being onstage.
Despite my anger, you are still my guide. You encouraged me to be creative, to have fun and to savor life.
And I know that I would never have become the person I am today without you.
- Title: Letter to Jim
- Artist: ValentineEvenings
A letter I wrote to my teacher who committed suicide.
From my dA account Hikariyukihime.
- Date: 08/15/2011
- Tags: letter
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