My Concrete Box

• Artist: Kouzou
• Description: Hey there, this is a poem I wrote about how a person can feel trapped inside themselves sometimes; the feelings into words via my perspective.
  
  Hope you enjoy ^^
• Date: 07/17/2008
• Tags:

Sitting in my concrete box
Watching yet another Twilight
Seasons pass
Light comes, fades away


But the walls don't change
Identical rough texture
Same gray hues
In my concrete prison


Looking through the same small crack
The faces blurred
Everything's right


Watching the walls
silent and still
Something's wrong


Outside
Light, an Understanding
Inside
Abyss, compelling me to sleep


Why doesn't my box keep things out?


My concrete box can't be working
Perhaps I need more walls


Why does my box keep things inside?


Manifesting itself into Chaos
Chaos shares my blood
pumping into my mind
filling the cracks in my soul


The light is gone now
The cracks are filled in
Like my soul
My mind
My heart

Chaos

Filling the cracks in my concrete box

Comments

[Dharmawan]

...One issue (like I'd know, but anyway), I didn't really get a sense of the chaos within your concrete prison. I know it's there, but I don't have a sense of it, which makes the experiece of reading this a little unsatisfying. I like how you've managed (through some parallel imagery) to depict the heart as a concrete box as well. Very powerful! Really cool.

[Dharmawan]

The writing itself seems to contain a lot of chaos itself, which is not a criticism. In fact I think that it adds to the poem alot, it feels chaotic to read, and the use of capital letters puts emphasis, whilst breaking sentences further still (really cool if you ask me...).

[Kouzou]

Thanks! ^^

[Just_An_Idea]

I enjoyed it. I would like to see more poems by you if they are all this good.