• After a Dream


    A simple documentary on the thoughts of Ryan Fornoles,by Ryan Fornoles


    Prologue...Chapter 3 - Innocence


    Sometimes we reminisce the past. We look at the things we wish to last. For back then we never noticed how dear that time could be. Now we realize the things we couldn't see. Back then I was greedy, immature to say the least. I couldn't find the gold to satisfy this beast. What I had beside me was a deep and graceful light. But innocent eyes can't see, which led to deep respite. Now as we learn the truths that this world has left behind. Our innocence begins to fade as is the fate of all mankind. But if we learn it all too soon we begin to break apart. If we yearn for absolution a hole forms in the heart. Let's live not for ourselves, but the ones we've come to love. I learned all the truths, and life became what I'm fond of. Now listen to my story, a tale of growing up. In time less than a year, the frail can harden up.

    Chapter 4 - Regret


    Did I rush to the end? Was there more I could have learned? I don't feel much different now, I'm blind. Did I lose my way chasing the bright light? I look around me and see faces not seen. This sudden fear surrounds me. Should I have learned more from Chapter 3?

    The truth is just so hard to contain. Is this the light that brought me to this place? Somehow it doesn't seem right. This light is just too bright. I'm in too deep. but i'll watch and see as light surrounds me. It's not what I expected. I wanted a flame but I got a star. It's brightness overwhelmes me, I'm blind. This pain always follows me. No matter where I go, no amount of light can cast off this shadow behind me. When will the day come where this shadow disappears? "Don't turn your back on paradise" are the words that left these lips. Now I can say the same for myself. As history repeats itself, the only thing left to do is lift these shadows off a dream. As I thought, The light engulfed me. Now the shadow is a darker shade of Grey.

    There's more waiting for me though. Now is not the time to give up. I'll again approach the light in order to lift these shadows of despair. This light is different though. There is innocence, signs of youth still bleed through. But I tread a dangerous road. It may end before it begins. For if I look at these scenes from my memories, I may be able to walk these roads no more. I still remember those days 3 years ago. They may seem like nothing to anyone but me, but it means the world to me. The light's not too far away. Maybe only months from today. But even if I am able the stay on the path, it will end in two years gone. Though any other path would be the same, it is a path that has started much too late. I think it is possible for this light. It can heal all these years of pain. But I do not want to wait, each day goes far too late.

    It's all i've ever wanted, but can I take the chance? This walking pace is so comfortable.But how can I take this stance? What I want to do is run. Not back away and hide. Who I want to be is not so different than who I am. Then why can't I just stand and run towards the light? Because between me is a wall that will fall within 3 months.

    Chapter 5 - Repentance


    Did I really fall off the path so fast? I truly thought it would last. Then what happens to these next two years? What happened to my salvation? I was so sure that this would end my pain, but now I have ended up with more. With no want to move on, the only thing to do is wait for the reaching hand that may never come. They've always said that even the smallest light can shine in the dark. I've never believed that until now. And she said, "Forsaken, I have come for you tonight". And just like that, the path appeared right before my eyes. I can tell this is the one I have waited so many years for. I've never seen a smile so warm, a face so bright. But I cannot ask for more. I've broken down this wall so I can see the horizon. All I can do now is wait to walk down this paved path of my salvation.

    Looking back, sometimes I think I don't deserve all this. Life hasn't always been so kind to me. Maybe after pain comes a wave of bliss. Once again I open my eyes after reaching the light. Unlike before, I see a familiar face...1, 2, 3, no...all of them I know. This warmth is new to me, one I've never felt. But this time it's not bad, as far as I can see. When I was young I thought I could live without pain, without sorrow. With every moment near the light, that shadow drifts away. So today I'll sit here waiting, tomorrow we'll run away.

    Where? Where did the light go? I closed my eyes for just one night and now it fled my grasp. Let's take these lies, cast them aside just so we have more time. Fear and doubt has left me out to walk this road alone. So tonight I'll sit here waiting, for you to come back home. Why'd I even worry, after all it wasn't long. I closed my eyes, thought I was blind, but really you weren't gone.

    In all this light and happiness it seems I have forgot. About the fact that what I've found is leaving me today. From what I thought, the small warm light would never leave my side. But now it's all come to a close, one more song for one more night. Let's sing this out without a doubt so I can close my eyes. And see you there, not sad but fair, as you walk into the light. Of your new life, in one more night cause I'll be fine I swear.

    From the past? From the now? I'm looking back at how I've found. A whole new life that's not alone. From the start I've been apart from laughter and the fears. Sometimes I would find someone who'd take away the tears. And then I'd leave and fall away from everything I've sown. To start it all again, in a place I've never known. But then I ended here in a land I've thought to hate. For everyone had gathered up and shut me out the door. To walk this lonely road alone for 7 years gone late. Like a bird that's been trapped in a cage, I sang for one last hope. That doors would open up to me to keep me from the cold. I peeked into the only door that opened up that night. I saw happiness beyond imagination...in a home that would never be mine. I kept singing my song until I found a place of my own. The place where I am now.

    It pains me so, to find my life so far away. The pain of the need is carried each and every day. Maybe I had fallen during the long and painful climb. Over the broken wall that had to fall within time. Because now my heart is bleeding on this journey to the light. The need to feel the warmth. The need to breathe the air. It cannot possibly be helped by cold inhuman stares. Forsaken by the one I thought could only be the best. Turned out being just another ally with the rest. So why are we still waiting? For those who can't stop hating. Let's leave them back without the lack of need to hear them cry. This isn't greed, it's just a need to be beside the light. Away from all this pain. The only way to make me sane. Is to leave me in that world so my feelings never wane.

    I thought it was supposed to start. Now that it's here things constantly pull apart. When this wall decided to fall I thought it'd be alright. Now we're split by a sea, keeps us from being free like the time I lost tonight. Now I'm going insane from all the time that I've gained, wasting away in a way that's unchanged. When will I get out to sea? To start the life I know I need. Three weeks on end, I'm on the edge of my seat. Come read my mind, I'm on the edge of defeat. Sometime it leads me to believe. The time's not now, but it'll come somehow. Cause if there's a time to go, it's then, I know. The time that I knew the wall will fall. A month from today, from then it was three. I didn't know how fast life could be. But now it is slow, in truth it won't go. Cause the pain's so sharp, and the skin so thin, it's far too easy for things to get in. I wanna stray far from this path, so we can meet out by the dock. And make use out of the sea that has been given out of spite. But after the fact we'd have to go, back to the path I'm sure you know. Guess it's worth it after all. Guess I need it all in all.
    Today I've come to realize. That staying closed is not so wise. For the future only holds what we've kept inside. I see now what I need to do to be beside the light. To open up my hand so the future rests tonight. All my effort I used then was doomed to be in vain. After all I cannot grasp with a hand that's clenched so tight. Now that I've found my mistake, don't leave me here alone. I cannot fight my fears with the strength that I have sown. When I waken from this dream, will you promise me just this. That everything will be alright far beyond this mist. My heart has wept for years. I guess its kept my tears. For they come out that way now like that one forsaken night. I know it will be hard for me. I do it cause I want to be, more than just this figure gazing out upon the rest.

    I built this bridge a very long time ago. Now it seems I have nothing left to know. But it's eating at my heart, for other people fall apart, while all the memories are condemned a steep depart. It still hurts to be there. We all know it's not fair. That every tied knot is cut with no delay. And every bad thought is kept, we hate to say. But today is not the end. It's just a brand new start. When space and time can bend, is when we'll fall apart. So we'll walk. Oh we'll walk. Far beyond this place, far beyond this life, dawned upon the night.

    I have a feeling I'll be thrown away. Based on the feeling I've had today. Now that angles turn to devils, I've finally figured out. That no one will be with me in the end. Going down on many levels, I'm breaking down throughout. I can't find anything I can defend. I can't take hold, now I'm getting too old. Never given the youth that only comes once. Never given the truth, only given silence. I still can't walk with my two feet. All that waits is now defeat. And live my next two years never feeling I'm complete.


    Chapter 6 - ?

    As things slowly crumbled away and fade to black, I thought I'd go astray and not get back. Now I'm back where I failed before, it's deeply lifting from the core. Though I'm a different person now, I think I've changed somehow. I'm stronger, no longer afraid. In this new begining, an angel had to say. "Welcome back from your long journey, this is the path you fell astray. I give you one more chance to win it back today. If you have learned nothing, then life repeats itself. If you've learned from your mistakes, then you'll redeem yourself". In front of me is a light that I didn't know about. It's pure and clean, and beautiful, something I cannot live without. This is what was ment to be if I'd been strong back then. With my whole new way of life, I'll glady try again.