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I want something warm
to fill the airy feeling
in my heart.
When I don't see
that light across the water
I know
you feel it too.
I want something warm inside me
to comfort the nausea
of living without you.
To bring back the light
I would drown eighty times
just to reach your dock.
I want your warmth
to ease the pain of failure.
To remind me if I open my eyes
that the light across the water
is still on.
I need something to remind me
if I really wanted you
you'd be mine.
- by dizzy_otaku |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 10/17/2008 |
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- Title: "Across the Dock"
- Artist: dizzy_otaku
- Description: inspired by The Great Gatsby. Told from the perspective of Gatsby with his thoughts of Daisy. I realize its somewhat (or extremely) exaggerated. My first entry. Criticism is welcome. <Please Comment!>
- Date: 10/17/2008
- Tags: across dock thegreatgatsby loneliness unrequitedlove
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Comments (3 Comments)
- Tasukun - 10/20/2008
- Myuu. Hmmm *nods* it certainly is a poem about loneliness, but with that last part of it, it kinda changes the poem all together. You had details of things that he wanted, and the last thing you stated was something that he had a choice over; but maybe you did that o purpose. Maybe I'm not reading it right, hmm... it is brilliant, and it deserves every 5 star vote.
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- Efface - 10/18/2008
- This is a very well-written poem. I myself have read Gatsby and in my opinion, I think you got into his head well. There's nothing I can really critique about this piece! I've always been drawn to a more open form of poetry, as it appeals to me more than structure. Well done!
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- arseL - 10/17/2008
- I know that "OMG YOUR POEM IS AWESOME", and etc. is not very helpful critique, but I stand by what I say. And I say, you rock. ^^;
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