Betrayed

• Artist: Elegant devilchild29
• Description: Inspereation:detrail by my friend
• Date: 11/01/2008
• Tags: betrayed

There they go
They do not know
About the hole in side of me

The monster of my fate
Devously awaits
In side his cave for me...

As shakesphre would say
'i have no right to stay'
'And wach you torcherme in this way'

Comments

[vv7722]

I read it out loud and it sounds really good, but you should definitely go back and correct the errors.
other than that, I think it's very well done. I'll just take off one star for the mistakes, so 4/5.
It's nicely written, keep it up. ^_^

[SceneTeenRainbowRaver]

yeah kid. You need some literacy when it comes to poems or song writing. It loses genuine-ness if its messy and incomplete. Not as good as it would have been. I'd give you a 3/5 at the most.

[Snarklepussy]

Seriously, why do you post these without proofing them first!?!