I am lost within myself

• Artist: Invalid Human
• Description: I made this poem for english class, supposed to be about a book, but I sorta went off track. The book was called 'Zen and the art of faking it' by Jordan Sonnenblick, about someone who lied about himself really..
  Please comment on how I can improve! Thanks :D I hope you like ^^
• Date: 12/11/2008
• Tags: lost within myself

We moved but so did my heart
I have lost the place I loved... the people I know..
Darkness envelops my heart..
Darkness envelopes my soul..
Darkness envelopes my life..
Torn within..
Blackened days and darkened nights..
The stars dont shine as bright as they used to..
The moon has lost its glow..
The clouds have lost their silver lining...
I have changed myself but still no one loves me..
For I am broken
Corrupted by this world..
Shattered memories rattle around my head like thoughts in a tin can..
Like a black mirror reflecting the darkness in my heart, people watch me fall...
No one helps me or hears me when I call..
I am but a fabrication of the truth..
I am but a broken soul with nothing left to give..
My life has passed before my eyes..
I have lost dreams in this dead world around me...
And I cannot find the one I love..
She left me..

Comments

[maluth25]

dark. sounds like ur cying out for help just to makeit through the day

[NakedJack]

try a thesaurus, make up some original metaphors, and it would help to try to sound poetic.

[Sunny of Senkai]

Ooooo! Dark, sentamental, AWESOME!