again i dont know

• Artist: ShroomEnvy
• Description: i wrote it on the spot
  commet plz
  
• Date: 01/13/2009
• Tags: again dont know

get out of my face
im tired of your disgrace
ur actions are to blame
for your unfortunate fame
you sit in your corner
your soul in flames
awaiting ur fate
cutting away at ur skin,
thinking there is no other way

Comments

[RisexWithxthexDead]

Hmm I agree with shamrock in many ways, well the grammar and making each line run more smoothly. If you corrected the two problems it would've been better... but still good.

[l_Shamrock_l]

Please use proper English when writing poetry. Since it IS poetry, improper grammer makes it unbearable to read...

But as for the poem itslf: it would be good for you to watch your rhythm. You're rhyming, but it doesn't flow quite well. Watch your syllables per line. Also the ending is kind of anticlimactic. It just ends, leaving the reader hanging. But that's just my take.