• when i first met him.
    i was on top of the world
    i was the beautiful princess i never was
    in that one day
    i was happier than ive ever been
    in my entire life
    we hung out, smiled, and laughed
    he looked at me.
    beautiful, caring eyes
    looking at me.
    and nobody else.

    but i couldnt let myself be happy,
    because then id be sad again
    i told myself.
    and then, i cried. dewlling on the past.
    i told him how i felt about myself
    words of low self esteem
    pouring out of my heart
    trough my mouth
    in words id already written in blood.

    he looked at me with worried eyes.
    told me i was wrong about everything i just said about myself.
    embracing me in his warm arms.
    he gave me his number.
    asked me to call.
    warm eyes peading,
    but my mind diddnt seem to belive his eyes
    guys arnt that nice.
    not to me.
    never to me.

    i got home
    i stared at the phone in my hands
    i couldnt call,
    because this wasnt real.
    i would just cry again.
    he wouldnt want to hear my voice
    hed want someone prettier.
    someone happier
    someone
    else
    this couldnt be real.

    so i waited
    all weekend
    all week
    and i fought a war in my own mind
    did he really care?
    did he seriously really care?
    wake up. wake up.
    i constantly whispered.
    i was never asleep.
    but i told myself i was
    because i couldnt let myself be happy
    and i diddnt know why.
    so i tried to let out my low self esteem,
    low self esteem pouring out of my soul.
    in blood

    two months later.
    i had conviced myself he'd forgotten about me
    i had convinced myself he wouldnt remeber me
    i convinced myself he diddnt care
    i diddnt remeber ever being happy
    i just wanted to embrace the feeling.
    dimly knowing whatever it was...
    ...it was good.


    i thought of him every night i went to sleep
    i doubted everything, but what i was really doubting, was myself

    one day, we accidently met.
    i was a beautiful princess once again
    but he wouldnt recognize me.
    there probably wasnt even the smallest speck
    of a figment of me drifting in his memory
    i said
    as he looked right intop his eyes
    suddenly warm because guess what.

    he was looking in mine.
    then the questions came back
    did he really care?
    maybe
    i smiled slightly,
    as he saw me smile.
    he grinned.
    maybe he felt like a beautiful princess too
    ok, more like a handsome knight
    or prince charming.

    then, just as i thought maybe not
    somthing happened that told me i was wrong.
    that i was more than what i though i was.
    that i was much more than i told him i was. two months ago.
    on that beautiful day.

    he ran torwards me, lifted me and spun me in a circle.
    holding me as if whenever he let go i might run away again
    i just blushed and stood there as he let me to my feet
    so much emotion was inside me.
    and he probably diddnt even know

    thank you i quetly told him
    smiling softly he tilted his head slightly
    "for what"
    for remebering me.
    then he looked just a little angry

    i never forgot!
    why diddnt you call?
    i missed you so much!

    i realized.
    even if this was just a dream.
    i neeeded it.
    and it was the greatest dream id ever had.