broken water

• Artist: Husk3
• Description: tell me what ya think... thx
• Date: 01/26/2009
• Tags: broken water

These transactions don't satisfy your thirst
But instead make your quench worse.
Feeding you images of deception to a world now unseen;
Choking the righteous and encouraging the senseless,
Down a tunnel with two ways to go.

Your first way feeds on your debased sanity.
Grasp unto chance withheld by the vile
And you will see the light of day;
Everything will be perceived in a new way
Guiding your path to freedom.

The other depends on your resignation to this world.
Choose this path to a tomb that reads,
“If only we were there.”
Continue to feed the toxin to your veins
While slowly you decay to your grave.

Your eyes can cry hero;
They can bleed sorrow.
Unto this world of madness
Where worse things are considered sane
And yours- impractical.

Comments

[NakedJack]

Oh, this deserves to be read again later, favorited. I'll have to read it again to tell you what I think. Btw, I think you mis-used quench. Screws up the slant rhyme and you can't reuse thirst...... dryness sounds stupid..... well, sense you are turning things into symbols and metaphors......Instead making your dissatisfaction/hunger/parched mouth worse. That's keeping the structure of the line the same. Hope these suggestions don't piss you off, I hate when people attempt to help me.

[adrian1996emo]

nice..