The Night (Full Version)

• Artist: XxAngelxCakexX
• Description: This is the real version of the poem I've already posted....no improvisions... :D
• Date: 02/10/2009
• Tags: night full version

A sigh of pain or a sigh of frustration?
I can no longer tell
I am blind to the truth
I am deaf to my own voice
I am too numb to commit any action
I am mute to my own rights
My life is not my own
I do not make my own decisions
I am just a pawn
I am a marionette
I do not speak until spoken to
I am surrounded by people that tell me what to do
I can’t breathe
There is no space between them and I
Not a loophole for me to escape
The air around me is thickening like the darkness of the night
There was a light, but now it’s gone
You were my light and they smothered you with their dark, chaotic, and controlling actions
You were strong, but they were stronger
You were loud, but they were louder
You were a leader, but they did the leading
Now my heart is conflicting with my mind
My heart is saying “Yes. run to him”
My mind is saying “No. Know your place stay here”
Once upon a time my heart was the stronger one
But that was long ago
Now I guess we’ll never know
How it was supposed to go
The current dragged me down, but I couldn’t get back up
But I’m saying that it’s over now
Because I’ve had enough
I want to be with you
no matter what the risk
because everytime I am with you
Every moment is bliss
The love you have for me
and mine I have for you
anyone can look and see
Our hearts beat as 1 not 2

Comments

[omnomNOM de Plume]

I like the "you were" section, it fits with the "I am" section you have earlier in the poem. You need to take out all the ellipses (...) it makes it to wishy washy. Also I would like it if you told more of the story. Who is this guy and why was he taken away? What does your heart want you to do? Other than that, this is greatly improved. Great job!