• Does he know what he does to me? Does he have any idea? I'm sure he doesn't, if he did he would say something. But... i suppose i can keep putting on my happy face mask to make my friends happy. Not like they have any idea, not even close. He wasn't at school today. Most people would go, "Oh, he's probably sick or maybe on a trip or something." But, no! Not me! What runs through my head are severe injuries, death, near death, and severe illness! I couldn't even eat today i was so worried. That can't be healthy. I actually went to the nurses office for nausea. Doesn't that sound like fun!? I couldn't focus in my classes. All my teachers pulled my aside and asked, "Is something bothering you?" Even my study hall teacher asked! {I broke my ankle} Of coarse i said, "No," as usual whenever someone asks me that question. And it's not like i can say anything about it to him. You're reading a 'poem' by little-miss-nobody! Aren't you lucky! And he's the super-popular, everybody-loves-me, I'm-practically-perfect person. I always have this... hollow feeling in my chest. I can't really say when it's most severe. It hurts when he's not there, because i miss him. Yet, it hurts when he is there, because i can't, and never will, have him. I know his girlfriend, not very well, but enough to know she's not a very nice person. And i'm not just saying that. She thinks she's better than everyone else. It's really, really, annoying. I can't say this for sure, but probably most people would have commited suicide already. After 6 months of mourning and pining, most people would get sick of it and just throw themselves into the freeway. Sure, I've made plans, but i'm to chicken to carry them out. If he had even the smallest speck of idea of what he puts me through, it would torture him, but not nearly as much as it does me. I'm to young for this. I'm not even a teenager yet! Next year's gonna be hell. He's an eighth-grader, and i'm just a little, insignificant, not to mention boring, scrub. Why is God doing this? Did i do something wrong? is this for not cleaning my room the other day when mom asked me the 67th time? Sarah does the same thing, and you don't do anything to her! Not like i've ever broken anyones heart, so i don't deserve one! scream I just wish i could scream and cry my lungs out, but i have to remain strong. I hold up my friends, catch them when they're falling. actually, they've gotten so used to it they suggest me to their other friends. They've forgotten how to hold someone up. There's never been a reason for them to, they always fell so easily while i never did. But now, when i've finally fallen {not to mention hard, to. >.<} they don't know how to hold someone up. So i'm holding myself up. I need no one. I'm strong, i can do it. Though, there's never been a reason to hold myself up. if i had more practice i'm sure it'd be easier. Without waking up sobbing every night, that would be nice. getting a full nights rest with testing so close. We had a "star rally" today {like a pep rally, only for star testing [retaaaardeeeed!!]} The whole gymnasium was full, almost no one missing. Except for one. Every other head had little significance. I held up the line looking, searching, through the crowd. He knows i like him, but he has no idea how much. The other day his friend came up to me and my friends and said, "If you move to a different table you can sit next to him." my reply, "Why?" "I thought you liked him?" what ran though my head: if you mean that his face is burned in my memory, his voice is like the sweetest song, I'm waking up crying every night, writing poems, and listening to "Teardrops on my Guitar" nonstop then, yeah, i suppose i "like" him. What i said, "Not as much as they do *pointing to my two boy-crazy BFFL's*" So yeah, I'm slowly and miserably dieing. I just thought you might wanna know, this being a poetry voting arena. So, go ahead and vote now. Byezzz!!!!! ^-^