Pain

• Artist: krusnix
• Description: oh man, I'm really bad at putting the title.
• Date: 07/23/2009
• Tags: pain

Why are you pretending than you're fine?
Your outer shell strong, but deep down you're venerable.
Trying to hide the pain inside
Lying to yourself that everything alright
But truth, you can fall apart at any moment

I can see it in my Eyes
I watch you cry yourself to sleep
i watch you losing yourself
i watch you drench in pain
i watch you go insane

i try to help you, but you chase me away
tell me that i can't feel your pain.
but truth is, I've already been down that path.

Comments

[krusnix]

thanks, i take it as constructive criticism. i usually write my poem with not a lot of rhyme, but I'll try.

[guess beaniewatson]

this is actually pretty good. but, if you dont mind me saying, it needs a little more flow. Maybe a little more rhyme. Cuz the only thing that rhymes in it is insane and pain. it just...I don't know. But I like the concept so much that I'm giving it a 4/5

[krusnix]

i'm really bad @ spelling! sorry about that.

[Failure and Disfunction]

4/5 Pretty Good, a few spelling/ grammer errors.