Snipet from my story

• Artist: Madame Twiggly
• Description: this is just a little piece of my story that im writeing....wanted to see what other ppl besides my friends thought.....i lost the origional and couldnt really remember it...in my opinion the origional was better but i tried my best to restore it.....R.I.P origional version...
• Date: 07/29/2009
• Tags:

Sam and i walked out of the restraunt together, he coat around my shoulders. Just as we were about to walk out from under the gazeebo, it started to rain, a warm summer rain. Sam laughed, a rich laugh and then kissed me ever so gently. "i'll go get the car," he said and ran out into the rain, i smiled as i watched him go. and thats when it happened. I saw a car come speeding around the corner, going way to fast for a parking lot. Sam looked up just as the car hit him; he rolled over the top of it and landed on the pavment. "no," i wispered as i stared at his still form. Then as if a switch clicked on i started running out into the rain and screamed to someone, anyone, "CALL 911!" the car looked like it was about to stop but then quickly sped up again. i knelt by sam's side and cradled his head in my lap. I huged him to me as my tears mixed into the rain.

Comments

[the x black x wolf]

im crying :O

[Colorful Killjoy]

From wht i heard from this i think it is very good i would have liked to know more of wht the story was about, but it is good 4/5

[XoX_Dreamless_XoX]

Umm, well...I didn't quite understand your poem.It needs a bit more details.You know what I mean? Like, otherwise it was very good.But if I did a poem, you probably wouldn't understand mine.Wish I can join an Art Arena.But I don't know how...Nobody explains it to me properly...Or maybe I don't understand...

[NitelyRain]

So far so good. My question is, is this where the story starts? If so how do you plan on showing the girls pain on Sam's recovery/death? Or is it near the end? If that's the case, What is the build up leading up to this point? Sorry.... I know weird questions, but I hope they help your writing. lol. smile

[kessia_baby]

that was good, the original probally was better though. . .it was still good

[icelotus21]

i loved it but i dont understand were are they at is it night? otherwise it was great

[xXxCoolGuyneverbustedxXx]

nice