Pursuit of The Memory.
forget me not if I leave you so close but yet so far away, for beyond the wall of eternal sleep your love will find me. Seek me in the place that bares no name... Nameless and purposeless it exists, separating us... I feel you through the cracks and deep crevices, but I can never reach you, instead I close my eyes and believe that I am there, holding you... Feeling your breath against my chest. I try to break it, but it repairs itself in new skin, stronger than before, I must crawl deep into the icy razor-like terrain just to find peace, to find rest. I hear the laughter of the living, and I keep it to remember myself; of how it felt to be alive. I damage this body burrowing deeper to find the cold laughter, growing distant each moment. Lacerated I feel nothing, only the need to return. Back to the coil I lost, my material self that loved once, that cared for you, instead I am haunted by your touch it makes me nauseated to the point of vomiting ethereal waste. Branding the etched memories on my face, in my soul. They faze through me... the lost ones, to savor my memories, my last drops of happiness, but I cannot forget, the way you feel, the way you smell, the way you pressed close against my lips. I've read it in a story, but there is no bridge of ashes, no enter to this place, no chance of exiting it either...Chance was second glance away, now demented and left to tortured remains. Black, sable, and sepia all streaming from the poison in my eyes. Hell is a cold place, not of fire or brimstone. Listening to the endless chatter of your teeth, like a movie forcing itself to rewind. The air glistens like static on a television screen, the subtle sound of crashing waves piercing the drums of my ears. Still I find a way back to my thoughts; this is the worst torture to bear. Shuttering in slick obsidian ice slicing away at my back, I hear your voice calling deep in its depths, your sorrow an illusion of silk and satin. I listen just to feel your life-force, your energy. It hurts to feel again, but I am happy just to be near, on the other side of this crest of empty spaces. Lukewarm from the sheet of ice strewn sickles, my teeth refuse to chatter. For I have found you at last, buried deep in this chasm, this rapturous place of infantile existence. I am buried here, the ice has now entombed me with the sound of you so near; and yet, so far away… Just beyond my grasp, this wall of sleep and time. Trapped with this warmth, never fading. You are my sorrow, my demise, my passionate mistake for caring; but here again I find that I am not with you, and it hurts here inside forevermore. What is left of me that can feel any way? The minutes that pass, are like years in your world, apart from this shattered reality; and soon enough you too, pass away. Leaving me with nothing, only the chattering of my semi-real teeth, the cold pressing repeat over and over again… Where did I go wrong? Who was I? Nothing comes, it only goes. It's like dying over and over again, trying to remember your last thought, and the last realization of what it truly meant to be alive. I have never left this place; life was only a dream, hiding me from this morbidity, this hell that I have made. Unable to face the truth I create my own existence, with you in it, only to die and awaken here. Behind the wall of eternal slumber. Searching for your voice, here, in the dark listless chasm. This is my reason, I have to find the purpose to life… But nothing comes… it only goes. Forget me not, even if you don't really exist I loved you, with all my heart; and I am truly sorry… I want to be with you again, so I fall into sleep; and dream of your face, your tenderness… My loss, my love, my eternal… Suffering.
- Title: Pursuit of The Memory
- Artist: Adyylae
- Description: Hmm, have you ever felt like you were going to hell? Like imagined really what it would be like there??? I realized hell is a cold place with reminders of all the great things you can never have ever again, your life, you love... This poem reflects that eternal seperation , in an icy desolate wasteland, all you want to do is get home...
- Date: 09/06/2009
- Tags: hell cold love seperation