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feeling so untrue
feeling like you do
feelings about our trust
what i do is what i must
death lingers in my brain
what i will do will be un trained
for if i live again
what shall i do to win
win my life back
form him who cant be spoken
win my life back
from the dark heart left unbroken
my life is spirling down
without a sound with out a sound
- by SGT_Karocue_Raver |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 09/29/2009 |
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- Title: ...
- Artist: SGT_Karocue_Raver
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- Date: 09/29/2009
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Comments (3 Comments)
- fearthecute - 05/21/2011
- right now the statement that comes to mind is "do you have the knife because I will gladly give you one to end your suffering and to stop your lame attempt at something that is over your head"
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- fearthecute - 05/21/2011
- obvious over use of such bland and crass words. Go back and study english a poetry for another 5 years, then, if you even think of making society suffer at the hands of your poetry, if it continues like this, you should be locked up as a living insult to all those who have an actual talent in this whimsical form of art.
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- fearthecute - 05/21/2011
- Go back to english 10 and review the basic structure of poems. Remember, it may be called free verse but there is still a structure that allows you to rise above what you've done here. Keep in mind that words like "brain" have no appeal to a human mind. They will make your audience incandescently happy to shrug your poem off as another teenager looking for a outlit into a place that does not appreciate such nonsensical "writers". Words like win, life, and feelings turn sour in poems due to the
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