Broken Heart

• Artist: GS Sailor Nerine
• Description: I wrote this poem just yesterday. I was in a terrible mood and my creative juices started to flow. This is how I felt at that moment. I hope you like it, and please rate. I LOVE *constructive* criticism. Please comment and vote a 5 if you think it's worth it ^_~
  
• Date: 10/17/2009
• Tags: broken heart poem vote please

A small drop of water falls to my feet,
As I look up with soulless eyes.
I realize that all you love, will soon go away,
So get ready to say good bye.


Again I am broken and no one is there,
To pick up my shattered parts.
No matter how hard I try to love,
I will only be a broken heart.


For no one has come with a string in hand,
And a needle, ready to mend.
For no one has been there in the times,
I desperately need a friend.


I’ve held my hand out waiting for the day,
I’ll get a hand in return.
For love is the only thing a broken heart,
Really desperately yearns.


I know that one day someone will come,
Who will help me up from this fall.
Till then I will play with this old broken heart,
Which contains no love at all.

Comments

[GrownSexyBlackFemme]

I really like it. My one critique is if you are going to use a rhyme scheme, make it consistent abab. Right now its kind of like b, b. Its got great content so if you don't want to be restricted by rhyme flow, you could loosen the rhyme up a bit in the second lines. Still, its a very nice poem and the emotion is there. Super late reply biggrin .

[GS Sailor Nerine]

@Sun; Thank you ^_^
@Skya; Thank you onee-chan! ^w^

[Sailor Tourmaline]

*tears* IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL! I had a feeling you had a poetic side! I love it, Aqua onee-chan! 5/5*

[Watashi wa Sailor Sun]

I know this feeling very well unfortunately, but I've never thought to word it quite like this.. It's very good, I love it! 5/5

[GS Sailor Nerine]

Hey all. Please vote fairly and I hope you like it ^ w ^