orginazation XIII

• Artist: ebrader
• Description: i am ADDICTED to kingdom hearts.
  I made this poem because the first time i played the KH for ds i felt like this for roxas!
• Date: 12/23/2009
• Tags: orginazation xiii roxas

The Ballad of Roxas



I..I'm in this place ... i don't know where i used to live in Traverse town, but now i am confound i cant remember a day in the past..
oh why wont my memory last im being transformed the organization has me .....
some red haired man claims he knows all about my woes he says its normal not, by my standards, but, what do i know...
i woke up here because i never was supposed to be never meant the world to see.
im not meant to be but now my tale will unfold it feels so ... so ...so words cant explain the pain
why am i here who are these peopple now they make me fight the wrong oh where is the completeness that i long!
save me sora and namene help me fight to live another day!
~ebrader~

Comments

[ScarlaBlack]

I don't feel any sort of flow in this poem, and you have several typos in here as well ("namene", "confound", "peopple", "completeness" wink which take away from the context.

I would suggest making the lines shorter so that one line fits on... a line.

It was an alright first try. Keep writing, though, and I think that you will get better.