You and I

• Artist: capaqua
• Description:
• Date: 03/16/2010
• Tags:

the desire for your satisfaction
yet to live my life
it's time my my true colors to take action
For, my songs are more spiritual
my feelings much softer
there are almost none in which we are mutual,
style, acceptence, or heart
for i see you as my savior and my guard
but not role model
i want to understand clearer, like a diamond shard
be gentle and flexible,
And live with you within me,
but not with you as my lable
of which i do not become the present of your past

Comments

[capaqua]

thx for all comments, i'll consider them in further writing

[is that a bear]

the stanza "i want to understand clearer/like a diamond shard" makes the almost brokenness of this very normal. it is only hard to follow if your trying to follow it. read it loosely and you can just get it. i absolutely love it. delicious! 5/5

[The Bear Strike]

needs fluidity. Your thoughts are hard to read in rythem. Free Verses don't need a flow but it helps

[capaqua]

thx smile

[museIndian]

I think it's good....just kinda hard to follow in my opinion. Only advice (and im a beginner poet anyways so i dont know how good it is) but separate your thoughts into more defined stanzas so it will flow better. 4/5!