Warrior's Vow

• Artist: Kizmarez
• Description: A poem describing a warrior's vow as he enters the army of a king.
• Date: 03/26/2010
• Tags: warriors

Stand straight, and pick up your blade,
Your old life is soon, very soon going to fade

Now you are a warrior, a knight, a hero
No longer shall you be a dreaded zero

When the time comes you shall run into the fray,
Showing no fear, no temptation to even runaway

You shall be smart, you shall be brave, and strong,
Defending the right, and vanquishing the wrong

As a warrior you shall travel to very distant lands,
Maybe even one day you'll be the one giving commands

Your blade is holy in your hands, your hands alone,
With ease you shall protect the king, protect thy throne

Do you take this vow, the warrior's vow,
If so step forth, if not leave us now

Comments

[5eshanno]

Scarlet has the right idea there is a flow problem but it's a amazing poem all and all

[Scarlet_Teardrops]

See the difference between the first and second examples?

Fix your syllable problems, and this warrior's poem will be on the road to excellence in no time! ^_^

[Scarlet_Teardrops]

I do have a critique for you.

While the poem was excellent, and I believe it captured the glory of a warrior...

Your poem has a rhyme scheme. Because it has a rhyme scheme, rhyming lines must have the same amount of syllables. Otherwise it doesn't flow right.

For example:

(unequal syllables)
See Bob Run
Oh, that sounds like fun!

(equal syllables)
See Bob Run
Oh, What Fun!