• #0
    My head thrashing

    Banging against the surface

    My vision becomes clear

    All there joyous laughing

    Makes me sick

    Do I wanna die?

    I don’t know any more

    Can I handle the day?

    When you are no more
    Will I still adore your faint memory?



    #1

    Is there light?
    DO I wanna fight?

    Fight this beast in me.
    Should I stand alone and become what I feel?

    Hatred is the undying shroud of my life.
    It eats away at me every day.

    The gift of shedding blood in the only bliss
    I can achieve

    #2

    I joy in your suffering.

    Where did this tremendous feeling come from?
    I hate you!!!

    Is there such this as love in this world?
    Who gives a ********?!?

    I see love
    I choke
    Till the day I die.

    #3

    Every one says they love me
    But do I?

    Pictures of them screaming
    Bleeding on the walls is all I dream.

    My dreams press further.
    Further into the future

    Who is the culprit of this crime?!?!
    I am!

    I’ll find away to make this happen
    Today…









    #4

    My heart has been cradled for too long.

    I don’t feel any thing
    Every thing is just a blur in this infinite abyss of love and hate

    My shadow is my only friend; it doesn’t sulk when I cry in my sleep.
    It does what I do.
    It does not rape me when my back is turned.

    It bleeds all over me, when I cry
    It makes me better then these words I write.

    My shadow is sewn to me, it can’t leave me
    Even if every aching bone wants to leave me
    It can’t

    I sit there laughing maniacal as its squirms
    Is this what I have become?
    Desperation is worse then loathing in front of the mirror
    Wanting to be someone else
    That’s all my shadow can do
    I follow and become a shadow
    I turn into what I hate
    Hate is what I follow

    It talks what ever it wants
    Every one likes it
    Every one laughs at its joke
    I sit in the shade and wish I was like hate

    I shouldn’t follow and become the idol I hate
    But…then again I can’t

    #6

    The darkness
    It shrouded my life
    Eating and getting its fill
    It felt like I was broken inside
    Inside
    There was nothing
    Was it real
    Or just a memory

    I was an empty corpse
    I had no purpose
    No one had me

    Could this darkness become less lit?
    But just as I wait a bit
    You
    The one the sun rises and sets for
    Came
    And pulled me out
    Thank you
    Your purity cured me of my sickness
    You took me from this evil
    And destroyed the upheaval
    Now I can live with you in my heart


    #7
    My life was good
    When you were around
    But that time is gone
    Nothing seems real
    When you talk
    I start to itch
    When you don’t
    I start to twitch
    You’re just a b***h
    But as you fake that smile
    I laugh
    Cause I know
    I’ll bestow
    The final blow
    Tonight

    Standing still
    I Billow
    Now without
    Choking
    I keep hoping
    I can see you again
    So I can contain
    This message
    All it is a presage
    Of this

    Should I bleed my sickness away?
    I don’t know any more
    We began like one another
    But all I had was darkness
    It is my undying mother

    Every thing is a joke to me
    All I wanna do is choke
    The heat is real
    Life is surreal

    I’m decaying
    I’m rotting
    I’m no more.

    #8
    At first I like it
    Only when my eyes are sealed shut
    The second was great
    More and more this event evolved
    New pages turned
    The hate begins to boil
    I look at myself and don’t see me
    I feel lost, running but getting no where
    There is no hope; all I can do is seek more
    I don’t want to but my heart wants to eat the rotten
    Days pass and my former skin peals away
    I’m a monster, the devil has consumed me
    I tremble in fear, trying to escape
    I begin to split
    The good and bad are expelled and see each other
    I stand alone feeling nothing
    This grotesque beast that is me wants my heart
    My heart is sickness and must be abolished
    The skin that has fallen has risen and claimed my heart
    Consuming it, it becomes shrouded by my darkness and hatred
    I’m free but the creature still remains

    #9
    The decrepit mold that became the beast
    Suffocates my dreams when I sleep
    Its red and startling eyes haunt the shadows around me
    Its footsteps echo all around
    I turn my back and there it is
    A living and breathing monster
    The demon was once a part of me
    It was a leech that thrived off of me
    I enjoyed the power I received but I became trapped
    Its black tentacles filled the air
    I choke, lose sight of things
    I become ensnared by shadows and once again
    The demon of me has consumed me
    Day by day it feeds
    I feel my insides bleed, giving it sustenance
    I can’t fight it; my heart has become black with emptiness
    I’m hollow again and every thing is blurry
    Nothing seems real and in grasp
    My intestines boil from the inside, every thing has sunken deep
    Deep inside my abyss of loathing
    The creature of death lurks around every corner
    I begin to cry tears of blood
    It has won
    But the war has only begun

    #10
    It’s like I’m stuck in a prison of myself
    Every thing I see is what I have kept hidden
    All my secrets are forbidden, but released and entangle me
    For this is what I see
    The demon that consumed me
    Was nothing but fake
    I begin to bake in the oven of my own depression
    I start to flee and turn to my own state of regression
    I’m more infantile I open my eyes
    I see a crocodile, its mouth over flows with blood
    More and more I’m swarmed by a flood
    Enough of this game
    All I want is fame

    #11
    Suffocating as I sit alone
    I stand alone afraid of not being with the loving entity
    My hands clench together
    I bleed
    I call her name
    But my words are entangled
    By the self serving world
    With each time I look at her
    My soul longingly burns for her
    I’m just the figure standing in the shadows
    Watching what is intangible
    Tears of madness pour out
    I’m just a vessel incapable of any thing known
    As love