The Perfect Finger for My Ring

• Artist: NakedJack
• Description: Thought I'd write something for Halloween. I chose not to put it in verse format, as that would not make sense. Other traits of the poem can be summed up as, free verse, though obviously not in verse format, as I had stated that previously. Which in and of it self is a fallacy, but I offer proofs to anyone that cares to look. So you could say it was an unstated premise, well, many unstated premises, which would conclude in an unfalsifiable hypothesis, unless checked with alluded to proofs.
• Date: 10/14/2010
• Tags: perfect finger ring

Out Stretched fingers I fiddle, like chalk so dry and brittle.

There was a smile, when your hand was placed in mine; I planned every moment, and feed you many loving lines, but now I need look no further than your dainty pale murder, and witness whiteness rushing, blood runs, flushing, as you bleed out onto the floor, giving me your hand, in this scene of gore.


Fingers of every girl I loved, fiddled, so dry, over time, brittled, in turn each rotting while I stand in squares alotting, graves for bodies, of former hotties, now plutonian whore, that's guts I spilled out on the floor, giving me this token, and another tally to my score.


With fresh flesh, far from forgot memories of fingers long taken, bendable, fiddle-able, my ring wearable, on this yet to brittle, yet to shrivel, dry up so little, keepsake of love forever lasting; I walk with her in my arms, along ocean cliffen shore, as I have ran out of room in my earthen cellar floor.

Comments

[NakedJack]

At least I guess that is what Mecha_May_Dia- was referring to. As she failed to actually be helpful.

[NakedJack]

No mistakes. My use of punctuation, and suffix/prefixes were a choices, and not a mistakes. It's a new format for poetry, that instead of using meter, uses punctuation, to create an organic flow. Like talking; Instead of a contrived rhythm formed from arbitrary assigning of numbers.

[mecha_may_dia]

there are some mechanical errors, spelling ect., but it's got a great mood and you really do have the rhyming down. good job.

[ballet595]

Oh My Gosh! This poem is by far my favorite. You you rhymes in perfect ways.