• Uno ~The Reverend Godless~ Carb in association with the Side Track City Holding co. proudly present a Dr. Emil Furtado Production! (Oh s**t not them again!) ...

    GET READY WORLD THE NEW YEAR IS UPON US AND WE KNOW YOURE NEW YEARS EVE IS GONNA SUCK SO SIT BACK AND RELAX AS THE UNHOLY TRINITY PRESENT THE AWFUL TRUTH…

    3…2…1…
    CRAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

    1. You invite all of you're friends over to you're New Years Bash but all you get is two homeless people lured in with the promise of free booze!

    2. When the Times Square ball drops you fall to you're knees on front of the T.V. screaming "WHY COULDN'T HAVE I BEEN UNDER THAT GODDAMN THING!! WHY GOD WHY!!! THE END WOULD HAVE BEEN SUCH A BLESSING…"

    3. You chug a 40oz bottle of Olde English Malt Liquor at the start of the countdown, by the time they reach "1" you pass out…

    4. You decide to shoot off a shotgun at midnight…AT YOU'RE OWN HEAD!

    5. You spend the night on My Space sighing sorely to yourself "I have no life, will you be my friend?" in a drunken but hopeful voice as you scroll down the profiles of countless strangers!

    6. You crash a stranger's party get seriously loaded and end up BEAT UP ON THE SIDEWALK!

    7. You're "Party" consists of 1 party hat, 1 loud party horn, 10 stiff drinks and A LOT OF REGRETS!

    8. Upon hitting midnight you call up all of you're friends and family to tell them "Well another year is gone, here is another one to ******** up on again!" as you eat cold menudo out of the can with a forced smile on you're face…

    9. You have (insert you're enemy's name here) bound and gagged to a chair…in you're best Hannibal Lector voice you say "OH s**t THIS IS GONNA BE SWEET!!!" as you sharpen a strait razor…

    10. Despite the hangover, the broken liquor bottles, the overheated computer and the bloody mess in the corner 2007 was a DAMN GOOD YEAR AND 2008 WILL BE EVEN BETTER!

    TO OUR LOYAL FRIENDS AND FANS

    HAPPY NEW YEAR
    FROM UNO CARB, DR. EMIL FURTADO AND THE SIDETRACK CITY HOLDING CO