• In a moment of weakness I lowered my guard.
    Let you in.
    Let you see my secrets.

    You were able to touch me.
    And it felt nice.
    Nice to be needed.
    To know that I exist.

    In that moment of weakness I forgot who I was and where I was.
    But the dream in over.

    My heart pounds in my throat.
    My stomach is queasy.
    My soul retches.

    I remember what I am.
    I am shameless.
    Foul and degrading.

    A fiend feeding off of your kindness.
    A tender feeling I had long since forgotten.

    In that moment I liked what you offered.
    A kind ear.
    A shoulder to lean on.
    A friend…

    Something that had lost its flavor year ago.
    Bubbling to the top, emotions I had buried deep in my heart.

    Even though my mind had forgotten them, my heart never did.
    In that moment I was afraid and mad with jealousy.
    I knew that what I saw I could never have.

    You gave me that back.
    You lit a new fire in my soul.
    A feeling that is untainted.

    I can’t stand to lose anymore.
    I wdon’t want to.
    It’s all that I can do for myself.

    In those moments you held me like a child.
    Kissed me.
    I felt alive.
    But it made me queasy inside.

    You are so sweet and kind.
    I am horrid and cruel.
    You will never see the real me.
    Please, don’t make me show you.

    Just stay there at my side.
    Cheering me on from the sidelines.
    A friend…
    A brother…



    © April 3, 2011