• I had given up the thought of ever going back
    I don't want anything to do with blood
    I don't want anything to do with medicine
    Though I know I am just avoiding the saddest truth in my life
    Why do I keep hiding in the dark?
    I was scared to be in the same position I was then
    I don't want to be in that same bed ever again

    "There was this little girl, she was the only daughter
    Her mom loves her dearly and was the favorite of her father
    There was an incident, she was in deep danger
    Her grandfather cursed her father,
    Her younger brother asked about his sister
    "Is sister gonna die?" and that little boy started to cry
    There is no such thing, said the adults around him
    But he knows better than to believe such a lie
    He prayed to God not to take her away, give them time
    asking to not to allow his sister leave without even a word of goodbye
    The nurses ran back and forth and he saw his mother full of tears
    He cannot do anything but to wait, covering his eyes
    covering his ears so not to hear
    Anything would be fine except don't deliver any dreadful news,
    I will not allow something that can make my mother cry..

    The night before prom I locked myself into my room,
    I heard people talking
    I heard laughters and so I took a look around
    and there was my uncle
    I smiled and turned around
    I stood there and eventually that grin faded away
    They were talking about that time
    That night I was nearly taken.
    I remembered that full moon
    I remembered the people
    Every single thing came back
    I remembered the pain
    Once again I saw my mother cry,
    Yelling at the doctor, "Save my daughter!"
    A sudden hurt struck my heart, opening that yesterday's wound
    During that time there was nothing that could be done
    Then I realized that moment, it was a memory that I could never turn away from
    A past that I could not bury by just forgetting everything..

    I was at the hospital for days
    No one told me anything but I had a feeling
    I knew that I was dying..
    I accepted that reality but my only worries are
    My family who will grieve because of me
    I cannot erase that thought but I simply need to face the truth
    I used to contemplate about nothing at all,
    trying to see if I can wipe my memory clean
    looking at the window watching the full moon from my hospital room
    It was always at midnight, so no one can see me
    I had a promise with God
    A secret that until now I kept, just he and I only
    I know it will sadden my whole family
    I know I will hurt them deeply
    That's why I asked for an extension, for him to give me more options
    I will not go back on my word, let me live a little longer

    I had realized that I was dying
    I don't even want to think of anything
    Places where scents of blood are strong I started avoiding
    The topic of someone mourning
    His and her family at the hospital recovering
    I started to forget and find other means to live
    and learn about the living
    yet the past still haunts me
    That time I was dying
    I, then realized what I lost,
    That part of me that I left when I decided to live only for writing

    I remembered the pain
    I heard my scream
    I saw how my mother cried
    I witnessed how my grandmother died
    Now I know, I want to enter the world that all my life I tried to avoid
    I will learn medicine
    I'll be a doctor.

    "Is sister dying?"
    asked the little boy and started crying
    What can you say but words of lie
    A hateful truth that no one can deny

    I don't want to go back and lie on that hospital bed ever again
    This time it won't be the same because I will not come as a patient.
    I will not be the patient.