"I'm sick of crying, tired of trying, yeah, i'm smiling, but inside i'm dying."
Every abuse victim will know these words. Some may be still enduring the pain, suffering, and weakness. But I can say one thing about being abused. "How should I know?", you ask. I know because I was abused. The cruelty and pain I have endured, has torn away every fabric of my childhood. I was abused for 7 years. I'm 14 now, so the abuse started when I was 5. After the pain, I had no idea of what to do or say. I was repressed for so many years. You know how every child has those years of "conditioning"? The years where you start to learn how to think, act, speak, and live? Mine were screwed up so badly I can't even think straight now. Think? She wouldn't let me. I was just a dumb black kid who didn't know a damn thing about anything to her. Act? Pssh. no. I was just to sit in a corner in my little closet of a room, until I was summoned. Why use the word "summon", you say. Because I was treated like a monster. Yeah, monsters get summoned, not little human children. So, I guess you could say i'm a monster. Speak? Hell, no. I was practially wearing duct tape over my mouth constantly, until I went to school. LIVE? You don't know the countless times she has tried to kill me. But, i've tried to turn to the law. You think, "She should be arrested for attempted murder. She should be arrested for child endangerment." Like hell the big, bad LAW, would do a damn thing. First, I was too young to testify in court, second, I couldn't even call the police. Third and last of all, I was hidden away in a little room with the door locked. Oh yes, but you ask, "Where was your father during all of this?" Well, that idiot was either at work or watching a football game. Even when we was home would he believe me? NO. That is why I call him an idiot. Now, "How are you doing now, that you're out of it?" Screwed up badly, that's all i can say. Now go away, you ask too many questions.
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