Memory

• Artist: Mistress Discordia
• Description: again more stuff that came to kind. GOD I almost cried while typing this for some reason
• Date: 12/18/2011
• Tags: memory

You and me stand in the sunset .
You looked at me with a sympathetic smile.
I look at you with a pitiful frown.
I know that our time together will soon stop
I know that my memories of you will disappear
So make me a promise.
That when I turn dead black and you turn complete white
That you will never forget me
until the day we meet again
.......
If that ever happens though

Comments

[that one masculine angel]

The 2nd and 3rd stanzas are weird.
First the guy LOOKED at you.
Then you LOOK at him.
Either have to be both looked or look.

[Aleydream]

I'm having a hard time understanding where the seventh line comes from and why one is turning black and the other white. It's a little jarring with the context of the rest of the poem.
Check the punctuation on your first line. I don't think you need to have the line of dots before the last line, just making it it's own stanza will make it stand apart enough, and we won't think there's