• It wasn’t very long before the morning slipped in the blanket that covered our fragile bodies, the spaces between our fingers was empty once again and smell of coffee brewing in that small loft danced in the rooms. We got up, the bed a war-zone: naked pillows on the floor, the holed bed sheet untucked from three corners and pieces of yesterday’s clothing scattered all over. I sent a letter to home, writing that this new college is great, that I found a place to stay, that coffee brewed almost every morning, and that the lips of men tasted sweeter than that of mother’s cake the weather was warm and sunny here just like the smiles of these not so strange strangers and I’d be starting classes soon. Sealed with a kiss. Veiled in unknown.

    I could not decipher this elusive feeling inside of me. I never felt this before. How have I never felt this before with Olivia? How has she never made me feel this way? Do I make her feel this way? Questions baffle my head, flooding my thoughts and conscience; how would my daughter feel about this? Could she know? Would I let her know? I read aimlessly as I tried to solve this rubik’s cube of emotions. I wondered how long I could keep this charade up. If only there was a way I could divide myself in half: to be able to love both without myself pestering my inner core. If only there was a way to get the best of both worlds, I would. I love both sides of the coin to the ends of the universe and back: at least that I was sure of.

    I stood. I stood. I stood exposed but it did not bother me, nothing could bother me this morning, no not today. I peered outside the half closed windows, watching the road slowly swell up with cars, pedestrians and pollution, and I thought how congested the roads would be going to work, but still, it would not bother me. I knew I couldn’t stay with them the whole of sunlight’s and moon’s hours, but oh how I wish I could, oh how I wish I did not have to wear this mask every time I wore my neck tie and suit, every time I carry around a briefcase and comb my hair back, every time I take out my sign pen to bind me to a contract. But right now, I will engross myself in the present: where it is beautiful, just like each curve, outline and imperfection of their silhouettes.