Well.. i've been off of gaia for a few days. coming back and catching up has been quite the task... apparently, several people were looking for me. sweatdrop Noone's been posting comments in my journal recently. I wonder if anyone read the stories i put links too.
Then... we had some drama yesterday with josh's job... but, it ended up ok. It was nice tho. He pretty much got a day off yesterday... and I enjoyed it. I didn't hardly see him at all this weekend. and.. while i had to work in the evening, I got to watch some love hina together. that was nice. I really enjoyed it so much. we had some time together we don't get too often. i mean.. cuz naaman was at school and we had the house to ourselves for a few hours... just he and I. It was almost heavenly. heart I was just glad that his situation happened at a time when i was home. It was so important to me to be able to be there for him and be emotional support for him. I often have little thigns that bother me.. and he's always my pillar of strength that stands firm and strong in it.. he's like my lighthouse when storms are in my life. I just wanted to be that for him for once too. 3nodding smile And, I was. It felt great! He went with me when i started my laundry. He helped carry the soap. i was so glad. I hate having to carry soap and clothes all the way down there. gonk so that was cool.
But. sunday was an ultra stressful day at work... it was JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS gonk stare stressed crying except we didn't have all the extra staff we hire in for christmas... and it was insane. I know the company needs a good year this season but still. by 7pm.. i felt like i could just sit down and have a good cry. But, i had like nearly three hours till i could go home. i just kept praying.. and i was so upset... i was walking around feeling like i might barf up my lunch at any given moment. sad crying I was soooooooooo stressed. I was oppressed and repressed. My only relief was to quote scriptures to myself silently.. and find reassurance in the Word of God to keep me from falling apart at the seams. later that night.. already tired and irritable.. i was enlightened to a situation with my younger brother. and i was really feeling angry and disappointed in him. I just tend to expect more from him because i know he has the capacity to do better by people than that. I mean... if josh had stooped to something like that; wouldn't really surprise me. Josh isn't exactly Mr. Scruples all the time. but, seth on the other hand... seth has scruples and a sense of right and wrong. He may not actively practice Christianity... but in his heart... he knows how to treat people. I finally got to talk to him yesterday tho before i went to work... got to lecture him and give him a big sister talking to. he admitted he knew it was a mess and was wrong.. and would fix it. Thatta boy! Taking responsibility for your wrongs and a willingness to be accountable of them is a very redeeming quality. It's a beautiful trait; and i'm soooo vexed in my spirit and regretful that more people in today's society lacks that.
But, sunday night... becoming aware of the situation.. it bothered me in my soul sooo badly... i just became overwhelmed with vexation of spirit.. i had to go lay on the bathroom floor and lament.. to the point where i did vomit a little. but.. once i started to pray.. it just poured out of me like a flood... and the gates of my soul were just like.. spiritual vomit... and praying and lamenting and over and over again... i just had this really big feeling deep in the pit of my soul.. i mean. i could physically feel it... like this big ball of something down deep that made me want to scream and moan on the top of my voice and let it all out. But, i couldn't.. it was very late in the night already.. and people were sleeping for work the next day. Well, that and the fact i live in apartment. wouldn't want my neighbors to call the police for fear of something truely damaging had happened.... so.. i didn't... but it was there. i felt it all over. and i really feel like i was engaged in an intense spiritual battle that night. and it started with the situation concerning my brother...but, in a way.. i think it was more than that. i just couldn't see what else it was because the emotions i had over the current blinded me... but. one thing I am determined on. I need to get me some oil. I want to pray over my home and bless it and sanctify it. My home will be a place where angels walk... not where demons have nerve to dare to come close. I will not the wickedness of this world's spirit coming in to cause trouble. I am a prayer warrior; a warrior of Christ. I will not tolerate such full frontal attacks from the darkness. I am a child of God. I do not say these things as boasts.. or being puffed up. But, i speak them as facts. It's time for me to put on my armor... and to wage some war in the heavenlies over the things going on in my life.
I think I am going to find a new prayer partner. Someone who can fast and pray with me. 3nodding
 Graceangel · Tue Oct 12, 2004 @ 07:32pm · 0 Comments |
