I don't know whats happening to me... I think something inside me has died... and it scares me... You all remember how i used to get all excited and ambitious about things? Inspired to do something with kind of an almost ADD need to do it? I'd get ideas for a picture and sit down to draw it and wouldn't do anything else until it was done? Get sparks of genius about Believe and feel the need to either type or write it out or i'd explode? I mean if anything you should all remember the billion and four rants i went on about black history month and how racist it was.... Lately it seems like that spark has gone out... that absolute need to do things has died.. I haven't drawn in days, I sat down to write on believe and stared at the blinking cursor unable to think of anything to type... A major injustice in the world was brought to my attention and for almost 15 minutes my spark appeared to be back... but then when i woke up the next morning i found i just didn't care all that much... I'm not hyper anymore, i don't feel like making plans and doing stuff, i don't feel like talking to people, i don't even have the concentration to read anymore... i have a stack of like 5-6 books that i've started in hopes of finding SOMETHING i could suck myself into and possibly get back to how i'm supposed to be.... but none of them have worked.. they're all wonderful books... things i would usually just devour... but i'm just not interested in them anymore... And i don't know what happened... All i feel like doing anymore is curling up in a ball and falling asleep.. i don't like being around people... the only person i can stand to be around without wanting to kill something small and fluffy is mason and i've even been irritable and short tempered with him lately... I don't know if this is a depression down or what... but whatever it is its scaring me... i don't like the idea of hermiting myself away from all of my friends and family in order to live in solitary... but lately thats all i've wanted to do... run away and hide, live alone, have nothing to do with people ever again... and i don't know why... someone please help me.... crying
 mistress_of_insanity · Mon Oct 15, 2007 @ 02:04am · 0 Comments |
