I hate crying. It ranks in at my number one LEAST favorite thing to do. Ever. And yet it would appear that i've almost spent half my day doing it. I don't know why i'm so emotional today but it seems like i'm bursting into tears over every little thing. I mean it started at about 5 today when my parents got back from the store. My mom asked me to go empty the dishwasher. And since i've been trying to be a good kid lately i did. She went in to the kitchen to de-tail the shrimp for dinner and tensed up and did her crabby "you've pissed me off but i'm not going to let you fix it i'm just going to do what i was going to do anyway" thing and when i asked what was wrong she yelled at me for not cleaning the kitchen "like she had asked" Now she had said to empty the dishwasher, not clean the kitchen. So, trying not to get upset, i said that i hadn't understood her and asked if she would move so i could do what she'd ment to ask me. She said no, i got upset, and went for a walk outside to cool off, a few minutes of being outside and i see my dad drive past, obviously looking for me. I go inside and find out that they had thought i was running away again so they had sent him out to look for me. This ruined any attempts i had made to controll my temper and everything once again spiraled into one of my mom and mine's epic battles. Which i cried all the way through (i had started crying on my walk from sheer stress)... Things calmed down, my mom and i talked and then for no reason what so ever in the middle of our conversation i started bawling again and had to go sit in another room for almost 15-20 minutes trying to get myself to stop. It didn't work and my mom pulled me out to the car to take me with her to the Liquor store, i cried the whole way there and back. Got home, i managed to stem the flow of tears, barely. We sat down to watch spidey3 i had to get on the computer to hide that i was still crying off and on for no apparent reason. Then just when i think i'm good. My mom takes over the computer and starts looking at my cousin Raylene's profile (who i haven't seen in almost 4 years) and is telling me about just how messed up she is. My eyes start welling up again as i realize that i am just about the only member of my family in my generation (those of us between the ages of 14-1 cool who hasn't ******** up their life. Now all that needs to happen is my cousin Cody needs to get some chick pregnant and I need to elope to Vegas and we'll be set. And then i'm going through my pictures on here cuz my mom wanted to see them and i run across the one of the top of the jewelry box that my Noni gave me for last christmas. And i mean her LAST christmas. crying She didn't recognize it and made me go dig it out of my bedroom so she could open it and see the bracelets that Noni had given me inside it, which of course got me thinking about how this christmas is going to go. And i realized that even if we got together with that side of the family where would we get together? If we used the same house it wouldn't be the same because my aunt debbie completely re-arranged it. And its just going to be really really difficult. Which of course got me started again. And even now, for no reason in particular i'm starting to get that burning sensation behind my eyes. Its pissing me off a bit because crying always makes me feel like s**t. I'm dehydrated, miserable, and my eyes hurt. But i still feel like curling up in a little ball and crying myself to death.... I hate this.
 mistress_of_insanity · Sun Nov 04, 2007 @ 08:40am · 1 Comments |
