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so yeah. i'm listening to that song right now.

i love it, it makes me not feel like crap for 4 minutes & 10 seconds <3

i don't know why i feel like crap. it's not like i really have a reason to. there's no drama going on, friend or other wise. school is actually alright. i'm starting to get back into my artsy stuff again.

so why do i feel like s**t? things are going good. there's nothing going on.

maybe that's why. i'm in a rut, i guess. the same thing, over & over again. day after day. i get up, go to school. come home, go to bed.

i think that i'm starting to think about things too much. again.

i tend to over-analyze things. and then i feel like crap about the conclusions that i come up with. whether they're good ones or not.

stupid, yes. i know it is. but i can't really help it. i'm a thinker, and that's what i do. i think. no matter what i'm doing. i could be doing math & be thinking about something completely different. but it's not distracting.

like, right now. i'm sitting here writing/typing this, but i'm thinking about some weird dreams that i had. but, i'm still writing. i'm not just sitting here staring at the screen, thinking about those dreams.

i like it when i have things to think about. like, something that really did happen. it keeps me from coming up with s**t. like those dreams. by pondering about those, and why i remember certain parts rather than others, it keeps me from coming up with things that i wish would happen, or from over analyzing things that already have.

i ramble a lot. and i should probably go to bed. i'm slightly tired, and it's already after midnight.

but, as you probably guessed, i'm not going to.

i feel like i have something important to say. but i can't think of what it is.

i'm tired of feeling so empty. like i have nothing. no one.

alone. distant. that's how i feel. but i'm not.

i have friends & family. and i know that they're there for me. then why do i feel so alone when i'm not?

usually, i can push that emptiness aside when i'm around them. but it's getting harder to do. the last time i was at the lunch table with my friends, i think i only said a few things. and another day, i think i only said one thing, and it was gripping at someone else at the table. usually, i'm one of the loudest & most talkative.

i hate that.

i should probably go ahead & go to bed. this could go on for hours.

so yeah. even though no one is going to read this, i hope you didn't get weirded out by it. my apologies if you did.