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I will write about my trip to Europe another time, right now i need to get stuff that happened after the trip off of my chest so i can stop crying so much. Her is a list of people in my family being assholes: My brother Johnathan, my Dad, my mom, and my dumbass Aunt. Apparently my when my brother and dad were at dinner at my grandmothers house, my aunt was there also. It seems that she was talking crap about my mom calling her lazy. Acoording to my brother, my dad just sat there and let her say all that stuff about his wife and my mother. So John told mom and my mom confronted my dad. My aunt has already many times said mean things about my mom, brothers, and me. When my mom confronted my dad, he lied through his teeth and said it wasn't true. He got angry and told my brother to move out that night. Well, mom said he is not moving out and that my dad was overreacting. So my dad went, packed up some stuff in a suitcase and said that until John moves out, dad won't live in the house. My dad dropped a pair of his suitpants as he was packing his stuff and my mom picked them up, grabbed a pair of scissors, and threatened to cut up my dads suits. My dad told her to do it and left. Well, my mom didn't and threw his pants into the trash. Later she pulled them out and put them in her sewing room. My dad came back later and demanded his suit pants. My mom refused to tell them where they were and he left again. I was told all this happened the night before i got home. I know, great welcome home gift. My dad hasn't been home since Monday night. Finally today i got sick of him acting the way he was and told him, when he came home to wash some clothes or something, that he was being stupid and childish. He said we wasn't and that he was trying to make a point. I see no point in what he is doing except being selfish and abandoning his family. So i walked past him to go feed my dog and i started crying. When i went to the garage to have my brother take me to school, my dad asked me what was wrong. i said nothing. He asked if i will call him later that night. I told him in these words, "I don't know if i should since it seems that if Johnathan isn't out by the 16th that you won't be home on my birthday? So why should i call someone who just wants to leave us and it seems that my own father won't even be home on my 16th birthday. Thanks! I feel so loved." Then i ran out to the car and went to school. i cried through all of first period and just couldn't concentrate the rest of the periods. Then my dad came back a few minutes ago and wanted to talk to Jerry and I. He kept making it out like he was the good guy and that mom wasn't backing him up about Johnathan and he wanted to know what Jerry and i think he should do. Jerry and I said nothing. So dad got miffed and said he wanted our thoughts on the situation and that he felt hurt. Yeah well, He feels hurt?! We are the ones he walked out on. His family!!! We're the ones hurt! I had to desire to talk to the man who walked out on us. I'm tired of my older brother being stupid and tearing the family apart, I'm tired of my aunt sticking her nose into our business and putting in her two cents, i'm tired of my mother acting childish, and i'm tired of my father being selfish, childish, and putting his sister and her family before his own.
So he may not be back for awhile. He may not even be back on the brithday that i've waited so long to come. Happy Birthday to me. I'm tired of crying for my family, i'm tired of having to put through all this pain. Wasn't grade school enough suffering that God gave me, or he felt that i should suffer at home too. It's funny, i've never felt so alone and empty before. I never realized it hurts this much.
Here's a couple of poems i wrote in geometry calss about how i feel.
I knew there were problems
I knew there were rifts
I always thought you would never desert me
But I was wrong
You left and won't come back
You feel leaving will solve everything
Yet, it doesn't seem to solve anything
Thanks for deserting me
I guess this is how you show that you love me
Here's one more...
Blood runs cold
Tears down my cheeks
The feeling of abandonment crossess my mind
I close my eyes and say it's not true
but in reality truer then life
I guess I will always feel this way
Because it seems that i'm not loved
I suffered at the hands of many
wounds that forever scarred my heart
I never thought you would be the cause of some
Depressed I will always be
For it is the only thing I can feel.
 Queen_of_the_Seven_Angels · Fri Jul 01, 2005 @ 10:17pm · 1 Comments |
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