I don't know why I'm crying. I don't know if I'm sad or happy. I can't really put it into words.
My feelings for the world haven't changed. My feelings for the people I love haven't changed in the slightest. But it lets me down. It lets me down that so many people are already tired. Why can't we all just wake up?
My mind thinks in fantasy. My life is a like a thorny dream. I've waken up though. I know life doesn't hand you cookies. Maybe you'd think living isn't even worth it. But to me it is.
I don't want the world to stop. Cause I'm having fun with my life. It's not all sugary delights. I know. But I want to live. I want my life to be full and enriched with even one good memory. Cause I don't want to just die. I don't need a meaning to live. I want to live. I wouldn't be surprised if no one wanted to live.
I've been through pain. I've felt as though I wanted to die. I've had my shares of saying how I wanted to die. So badly even. But in the end, I never really mean it.
If I could, I would live through this again. Cause thinking about it... My life is pitable. But the feeling of being alive... It means all the world to me. More than being loved, more than being happy. Through the good times and the bad. Being alive...I'm not worth it. I don't deserve life. But it's a gift that was given to me. I have to cherish every second. Every day that goes by. Cause I'm awake. And I love to be awake.
I know I'm selfish. But I refuse to live in a state-of-mind filled with lies. I know I'm worth more than that.
V Ko · Thu Jan 10, 2008 @ 02:16am · 0 Comments |