I'm not very pretty, am I?
Ever since December, I've lost just over ten pounds. I've stopped eating full meals. There's a pit of something in my stomach That makes me feels like I need to throw up. What's wrong with me? Am I becoming truly unsightly? I do not have bulimia. What can explain this one today?
Pale. I'm so pale. Every year, I get much paler. Is it only because it's winter? Because my parents choose that I should not go outside? It's so sickly. I look like I'm a mess.
What's wrong with me? Has my body turned against me? I'm unsightly. Drab. Crude. Ugly.
Has my self esteem sunk so low to believe in this, maybe? I don't want anyone to look at me. I'm a disaster both inside and out. Choking back the blood that tries to rise up out of my throat.. I'm losing. I'm losing again.
I don't need sympathy. I don't need pity.
No one's meant to be alone. I'm just so unsightly that I don't want anyone to look. I've cut myself off once again. But it's never my fault. I'll always follow that.
That one stupid chain of events.. No one came to save me I was the victim that time. Why did they follow the person with the damned blood stained hands?
Leave me to bleed. No one's coming anyway. No one ever has. The knight in my dreams never existed He'll never come. No one will ever come.
My wounds are fresh open.. I'm drowning in the salty sea of bitter memories. They all turn to a thought as well;
"Your feelings will never be returned. Stop fighting. You know as well as anyone does that if you were never to have existed, the burden you brought among these people will disappear and they will be forever in the bliss you could never bring to them. You are alone."
Let me sleep. There's nothing to bet. No one's coming. No one cares. I'm letting go.
I'm broken already.
V Ko · Mon Feb 11, 2008 @ 01:53am · 0 Comments |