Sometimes I wish I were blind. I wouldn't be able to see the ugliness of this world. I would not be able to see the little beauty in this world as well. It does not balance itself out. Eventually, the beauty in this world will become ugly due to the tainted hands that so savagely tear it into millions of shreds. Never reasing it's existence, but only shows a model of how the world will one day repulse itself.
Sometimes I wish I were deaf. I would not be able to listen to the melodies of this world but wouldn't it be so beautiful if a mind created it's own rhapsody without ever hearing a single beat of a melody of this world? Innocence. Pure innocence. Something I wish I could hear but, alas, cannot.
Sometimes I wish I were mute. This one's a bit more sad than the others. If I were mute, there'd be a reason why no one listened to me. Atleast I would have a sort of reason -- a better reason. A real reason.
I'm just feeling sad lately. But my sadness will bring sheer bliss to others, and I know. I'm the bad luck charm. When I'm happy, it brings utter depression to others. Suffering. It hurts.
My opposite, my same. My mirror. Without it, I only can create bad luck. What will happen when that mirror shatters? Will I only be half of myself?
I want to let down my wall. I'm tired of always rebuilding it over and over again. I'm tired. It will always crumble anyway. I always get hurt in the end. It never heals because no one looks for it. Hah...my wall was always in the way. Without this wall, I'm dead.
I am not loved. Only the illusion that I've set up is there. It was there so I could get by the days that slowly went. I only want to be loved. Oh well. Not like I haven't been here before.
At least I won't commit suicide. The least intent. Pride is something that won't allow me to. I don't want to be a disgrace to my family.. Although I already am. Papa's fed up with me and I can feel it. You can't understand it. My pride is the only reason why I live. If I ever lose it, there would be no reason why I continue to take up the space on this earth. It's be the end of the life especially intended for me.
Am I lost once more, maybe? I can't tell.
No one wants to save me. No matter how much they say or feel it, they're lying. They'll never get off and try to. They'll just say how much they do.. Inevitablely, they never will. No matter how much I want some one to find me. I don't want sympathy if it comes with a time limit.
V Ko · Sat Feb 09, 2008 @ 04:58pm · 0 Comments |