I know i havn't written in a while (heh, like you noticed) but during the holidays i found i didn't have much time to speculate on things that may have otherwise pondered my pondering soul (while sitting near a pond). jk. there are no ponds near me. anywho, once i got back into the swing of things, a whole lot of drama occured and i found that i had even less time to speculate with dramatic drama occuring (while watching other dramas on TV). not jk. so anywho, my drama (i hope) ended today and i was very introspective when my family and i went to dinner because i really didn't want to go to dinner and i so i didn't feel like talking.
in english, we're learning about sci-fi and all that jazz (cyber jazz) and my teacher likes to go really deep into psychological aspects of the themes. So at dinner, i was thinking about the situation i was in. I was eating dinner with lots of happy people all around, who were basically trying to ignore their problems or celebrate something (an accomplishment of solving a problem of their's). and i realized, i felt completely separated from the entire room. I felt like i was the only one observing, and not experiencing.
At first, i told myself to jump into some conversation because i didn't really like the feeling, but then i wondered (with sci-fi themes in mind) that maybe that's where censorship begins. That it starts in your mind because one of the basic instincts (after surviving and mating) was to not be alone. So by creating these areas where you seem different by being speculative, subconciously you push those analyzing thoughts to the back of your mind.
When i realized this (being the person i am) i thought about it more, and therefore, ostrisized myself for longer. So i wondered: can you only be in this detatched state of mind in which you can really explore your thoughts, when you're alone?
And then i tried to think which was better: realization or ignorance? can you enjoy the best of both worlds (yes, ignorance can be bliss if used wisely, but i find myself less proned to it the more i speculate)
I feel this zen-like state that i can go into is completly peaceful because i love analyzing my thoughts and actions and those of others. But it is lonely. Once you enter such a state, it is difficult for someone to pull you out of it; and i realize that, if you are pulled out, are you simply crossing to the 'ignorance' side?
and then i thought: isnt' their already a pattern to this?
Are those who were destined to grow into a prodigy and have a mind with uncomprehendable thoughts pre-destined to be alone?
 Qua Quidam · Sat Jan 26, 2008 @ 02:42am · 0 Comments |
