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Does it ever suprise you have vindictive and horrible and....possibly demonic people can be?
i mean, seriously. you've read my journal entries, some of u guys know me personally, and you know that i trust caustiously adn i try to look for the good in people. but seriously, i didn't think i'd be THIS suprised.
for all intesive purposes, i'm not going to explain what i'm thinking about. but for any of you guys who know me personally, it's not any of you. it's not anyone on gaia or any of my friends or any of their friends or boyfriends or so on.
but, ok. u always hear about evil stuff (wonderful vocabulary, i know) going on in the news. and, with our desensitized (de-sensititized?) world, we just sort of brush it off, because we've never experienced it personally. but when it does happen to you, u just feel...frazzled. like, your whole world (although never perfectly perfect in the least) still managed to get turned inside out and cavity searched.
you know when u don't like someone. u just know it. and i don't mean "oh, this person is so annoying" but more to the point "that person made someone i care about cry and feel horrible" and a fighting instinct is born in you to protect those you love from anything. (again, not ANY of my friends, so please don't think it's one of u guys). but even with that horrible person, nothing they've ever done would really, dramatically change someone's life. this person may hurt someone's feelings, but never physically hurt them, even on accident.
this person, i have not been able to do anything about. i cannot speak to this person. (i'm going to cal this person TP [stands for this person, no initals]) i cannot punch this person in that face as much as i'd like to. i cannot do anything for a purpose that i cannot explain without giving away who it is.
but TP has hurt people i care about. TP has caused so much angst adn tears, yet i cannot do anything. and i just glowered in private. but now, TP has crossed the line. and i STILL can't do anything! i feel so useless! TP is so ungreatful. so manipulative! so punatively and sadisticly cruel that even as i'm writing this my jaw tightens and my eyes tear with anger.
whenever this name is mentioned, i cannot think of but oen good memory. ONE! and that memory is about TP with a certain other person. and this certain other person is the one she crossed the line with and who i love very dearly. and i still can do nothing.
this incident happened (or was taking place) a few weeks ago and it has caused major problems. this is to the point where i can't decide if the problems now were started because of TP or something else. but...
this is getting too complicated without specifics, and i'm sorry. with the internet, i dont' want this entry to come and bite me in the a** down the road.
i just had to type. i havn't really told anyone about my problems because i don't like other people knowing my buisiness (no offense).
for some sort of a silver lining, even though you may know a harroble person, still look for the good in people. u wont see it unless you do. and most of the time, you'll be plesently suprised. i'm gonna go now. it's raining, and when it's raining, ti's a good time to think. at leas that's what i believe.
 Qua Quidam · Fri Mar 14, 2008 @ 11:04pm · 0 Comments |
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