Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

..Goodbye. I guess it's what my problem is. I never got one. I want one more.... no I lie. I want a hundred more. A thousand more. I miss them so much. Each one a meaning of it's own. Indescribable except for pure bliss. I guess that's what it felt like to me. It was different. I miss that feeling. Each one made me feel closer. Made me feel loved. Like I was special to someone. I'm so sorry to say goodbye to that but I have to. I've kind of accepted the fact that I'll never be happy with her. If you catch my drift. Right now it's what I desire Secondly more than anything but you can't always get what you want. the thing I desire Most is just happiness. For her and my other friends. That comes first So I lose out eh? I wish I could have kissed her one more time... But I made a lot of mistakes on that path. Alot of What Ifs run through my head. I wouldn't dare ask her for one. I think it just make things harder on our friendship. I don't want that but I do love her. I just get the feeling sometimes she really doesn't care about me at all. I know she does and I know she isn't trying to make things that way. I misinterpret things... Take them the wrong way. But It's how I feel. Along with insane Jealousy. I love her but do I seem... clingy? Obsessed I just want to hold her and never let go. I feel so safe in her grasp. Like I'll never fall again. but I already did. It's to damn late. Trevor knows what I speak of...I have found one distraction. Exercise in the rain... It just doesn't rain enough to satisfy me. I can't game, Read, cook, anything... I'd rather not start drinking or pill popping. Anyone got any ideas?


PS.
How the ******** Did I know That would happen? I mean no matter what...Right?! Makes me ******** wonder... Story of my god damn life! ( None of you probably have an idea what this is about and it isn't about above. It's just an outlet) Like no seriously... It's just starting to piss me the ******** off. Like ******** being emo/sad or depressed. I'm just starting to get agitated. One can assume. Then one can go gatheR information and confirm said assumptions. Like me! BAM! I ******** WIN! ******** knew this would happen. Now im doing that insane angry to the point of hilarity laugh. For ******** serious. Today? In general? Sucked a**. so will the rest of the week. And I got a bad feeling to... So yeah! Maybe I'll get lucky and get into a fight...