rainbow...
Ok this weekend has been crazy. And there have been moments when I've been absolutely pissed, but it was actually turning out pretty good, pretty fun. But gah, about last night...that's one thing I just cannot get out of my head. I don't want that to happen again, EVER. I mean Mona and I...talking about the GUYS is hard enough, when they do stupid s**t...that hurts sometimes, it's crazy...but...MICHAEL...
Ok, from the top here. Edmundo is the one I'd have expected. He's the one she kinda likes. I'd expect Kenny, cuz he's a douche. I'd expect Bryan, cuz he's tried taking my Mona before...but Michael...I liked him. Michael is the only one of Mona's friends who actually started to talk to me, a little. He seemed pretty friendly. But then I find out he did this.
So Mona says she was waiting for this choir thing she does at school. Michael was there, and they were just talking. Then apparently they started "talking about other stuff" and got up and went outside or something? So they were alone. They started hugging, and he tried to kiss her...and did I suppose...but Mona says she wouldn't let him kiss her on the lips. She says THAT would feel like ultimate betrayal. Keep in mind, as Mona's telling me all this, you can tell she's absolutely dying, considering she had to work up the courage to tell me from Thursday, and JUST told me last night. So apparently she was sorta resisting, but not ALL the way, because...I know this distance has been killing her. And the way she explained it..."A boyfriend, someone who's HERE here, was looking SO good, right then...but the whole time, I kept thinking of you, and wanted it to be you, and I kept telling him, I can't kiss him cuz I'm saving my lips for you...and you don't love me, she does, and I love HER..." Finally he quit, and they talked about me, how she felt about me, and all this...
I dunno...it just hurts, you know? I could tell she was ripping herself apart over this, that's punishment enough, how much she had suffered holding all that in...I just want her to be alright...I told her it's ok, everything is alright, and I still love her so much, no matter what I love her. And it's true. I told her, it hurt a little, but it'll be ok cuz I love her. Well...that was half true. It WILL be ok, cuz I really, really, really do love her. But...it hurts a whole lot more than a little. The "talking about other stuff" then going outside WITH HIM, leads me to believe that at first at least, this was pretty mutual....but talking to her about it, she was near KILLING herself with regret....and it hurts, a LOT...but...I don't want HER to be in pain, hurt herself...so I told her, I'm sorta shocked, but I really do forgive her, and it's alright...and it's all true. But it's still going to hurt for a while. It's going to take a while to recover from this one. And...not that I don't trust Mona...but...if anything like this happens again...I dunno if I'll recover from it in one lifetime...
The most important thing, is I love her. I love Mona, so much you can't even understand. She means the world to me. And I hurt, and she knows, and she feels like s**t. But...we're alright. We're still together, she told me straight out that's what she wants when I asked her. Tried to tell me she wasn't worthy, that she's a monster...but I chewed her out and told her I want a yes or no answer. The answer was yes. And so, we'll stay together, cuz the feeling is mutual. I love her...
...love = <3
