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...umm
Death is pain and pain is love
Some people find it from up above
Hugs and Kisses resemble this too
But its all different when i'm with you
I love you and you love me
But not that simple as you see
You dont bring me pain but you bring me love still
To see you one time i would kill
I geuss that wont happen anytime soon
and life goes on like a cartoon
Just wait one day i'll find you you'll find me
And when we do well..we will just wait and see






User Comments: [8] [add]
bobboy696
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Jul 04, 2008 @ 12:02am
moooooooo.......im addin a comment its prettey good


commentCommented on: Fri Jul 04, 2008 @ 12:12am
very nice



GirRoxZim
Community Member
Multicoloured Dysfunction
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Jul 04, 2008 @ 12:15am
Very nice.


commentCommented on: Wed Aug 06, 2008 @ 09:26pm
I really really really really.. really x100
like this one.
you could have added a bit more but its really really really really x100 good.
XD <3



kanibals
Community Member
Lette_Reeses_Pieces
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Wed Aug 06, 2008 @ 09:53pm
i like this one....this is sumthin id write.
the cartoon part....is a lil weird tho


commentCommented on: Wed Aug 06, 2008 @ 10:31pm
What's wrong: Just small punctuation. Unless you want it to be like that intentionally; you can get away with that in poetry. And what do you mean about the cartoon? I was slightly confused.

Do I like it: Yes, it's point is real and I admire that you can rhyme and make sense in your poems; I can't do that (very easily anyway).

Worth Your Time: Yes, if you tweak it and work with it a bit; it's always nice to go back and mess with your works since you're always improving as a poet/artist/author.

Confidence: Overall, it's a good piece. With a bit of work and maybe a bit more body it would be contest material, I think.



damaged_hearts_inc
Community Member
unforgivenlove
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Wed Aug 06, 2008 @ 11:23pm
i like the overall concept, but it tends to lack a good flow and the body could use improvement. perhaps different wording in places like 'and life goes on like a cartoon'. what exactly do you mean by that? i honestly think that if you work with this, you can make this a very good piece.


commentCommented on: Wed Aug 06, 2008 @ 11:25pm
omg lol i didnt know what to put that rythmed with soon lmao

i know it makes no sence



Jinxed_lette
Community Member
User Comments: [8] [add]
 
 
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