Again, sleep avoids me. This is mainly from things that keep me awake. Such as thoughts wandering around my head. So, I decided that it was better if I wrote it down. Perhaps then, I can sleep. It's been a while since I've wrote anything long or as serious. Read if you wish. This is simply for me.
I'll start from the beginning.
You see, I came from a smaller school. Everyone knew almost everyone. My friends were knew each other. It was pretty close-knit. Well, compared to my current school. Four freaking thousand people. That's not a pretty number. We aren't as connected here as my previous school. And for some reason, it irks me. I liked knowing the others in my grade. And I mean most of them. Here, it's pretty hard to know everyone. Hell, I can't even remember half the people in my Algebra 2 class. Two years ago, I could remember all of them. All thirty-someodd people. But that was because I had multiple classes with most of them. Hell, one time, three others had the exact same schedule as I did.
Personally, I hate having such a large school. It's detached.
Naturally, I have the mental capacity of a ten year old at times. I am easily amused. And my attention span often runs off. I can laugh at nothing. I squeak or make noises if I trip, run into anything/someone, or other similar situations. However, it has to be drawn out from me. Among friends, it's easy. Alone, I'm more reserved. Upon first glance, I suppose I can be called detached as well. Perhaps even cold, at times. I'm the type to simply sit in the corner and observe something.
Sometimes, I wish I was more outgoing. I don't have a certain group. I wander between friends and it's a little disheartening to have to walk from one person to another just to have someone to talk to. I can tell that their friends don't want me there and I'm often left out, feeling like a third or whatever number wheel. I wish to make more friends, extremely close friends. But it simply doesn't work out. My closest friend isn't in Band. And most of my friends in band have their own little cliques. I do not. However, when I think about it more, I like being so reclusive at times. I have the time to simply sit by myself. I can think over things alone. I won't be bothered at times. But, there are still times where I do wish my personality was more colorful. I always wished to have a boyfriend that would understand me. I usually thought that if I had a more vibrant personality, a boy would notice me.
...Well s**t. I sound like a pre-teen. Perhaps it is better to be more reclusive. So I can maul over my artwork instead of worrying about a boy.
Some people (and I'm serious about this) simply don't understand me. I know that many people in my section dislike me. Or at least, I'm fairly sure that a good number don't. I'm not close to my section at all. We are a family, yes. But. . . if you want to use family relations as examples, I'd probably be like the distant cousin. Many others have a relationship similar to that of a sibling. The only reason being is that I'm not the type to go out, interrupt a group, and simply be loud.
I grew up with manners and I'll continue to grow with them. I refuse to be obnoxious and loud. I am very cautious and considerate. I don't like interfering with a person's space. I will slide away so I won't bump into someone in a crowded area, even if it is uncomfortable for me. Truth be told, I don't like being familiar, even if I want to, if I just met them. That is the reason why my first impressions are usually that of a reclusive girl.
A not so eloquent, reclusive girl.
My way of speaking is much different than the words on paper or the internet. Given the time to think, I can confidently say that I am quite eloquent. I know that my literary language is fluid and smooth. However, on the spot, it's not the case. Not many people, unless they happen to read what I write or type, know that I can speak in such a sophisticated way. (Ah, forgive me if that sounded a little...snobby? Prideful? Arrogant? I'm not sure. But, give me some credit. I need to be confident in something, right?) Perhaps this year will be different.
Well...this is turning way too long. I'll have to write a second part for this.
Kandied Rose Community Member 
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