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T h eXXXS u nXXXH a sXXXT oXXXR i s e
This winter; the tunnel is darker
Then it's been in a long time
The ground is frozen water
Underneath it is six feet of dark cold water
Like the back draft thieving oxygen from a crack beneath a door.
emotion instead of life
I over think things, That's who I am.
Nothings worse then it could be.
The last thing anyone wants to hear
is the "Trust me it's not as bad as I am right..."
Sympathy
Everyone has their own story
Everyone has their own escape and their own book.
That is the facts that I know for sure
The darkness is spreading; but the
tunnel can't last forever;
The sun has to rise.
Summer o8 to April 29, o9
My world, both social and family related is a board on a slim rock. Once false move and everything will fall out of place. Friends will break out into war, Family will drive away. Once false move everything will tumble. I'm holding up the support beam for my family, I'm doing my best I can with my friends. But empathy can only move so far. We're caught in suspended animation. It all seems surreal right not.
3, December, 2008. Wednesday, 3rd period; Algebra of my Junior year @ 11:54, I found out that six anonymous patrons of my class cut. A friend from that class's world has already spiraled down, her friend arrested her aunt sending her to a group foster home.
Another friend had a relationship ended. Others are having even more family troubles. My parents are in counseling, my grandmother is dieing and my father is doing nothing about it; he's spending money that isn't there. The board we're all standing on is cracking.
I can only hope things will change, the things I have seen this year is a blur that is so clear it's blinding. Like many of my generation, the U.S is going into a recession, we're close to college. What's left to do, What can I do?
Option one::
Give up.
No I've seen that happen too many times. I've witnessed the pain that only further brings.
Option two::
Forget and move on.
Works for only one person. You leave the rest in confusion and pain of why your abandoning them and the guilt that they did something to hut you.
Option three::
Hide // Blame // runaway
Your only hurting yourself.
Option four::
Laugh
It's good to laugh at your mistakes, it's good to laugh to clear a tense mood. It's just good to laugh in general. But laugh too much and too often and the pain in your side will only add to the main pain of daily life.
Option five::
Survive
All that's left. I have to be strong for everyone else. I may feel angry; upset, happy, guilty, sad, depressed, pissed at everyone, helpless, But the darkness has an end. I know what to do. All I can do is reach down into the pit to darkness and help pull out people, be the hand they need to climb out with. I can hold the flashlight in the tunnel, at the very least fake the light at the end till we get there. I can't force anyone to take the hand, I can't grab them, but I can hold on. As long as they decided to take hold.
And I'll be okay, I may pull someone out to only be stepped on without a thank you, I may have Karma return, I may be joined by another hand to help pull people out.
But I know what's at the bottom of that pit, and no matter if I hate your living guts or love you. I'm not letting anyone fall. If I have to watch someone fall who was stubborn not to take the hand. Then I will swiftly morn your loss. I can't hold grief for someone who wasn't listening to reason or take the hand that would save their life.
 K ii t s u n 3 · Mon Dec 08, 2008 @ 11:58pm · 2 Comments |
