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Hmn. Identity complex. That's what it comes down to.

The reason I have a difficult time with finding a definite is because the way I perceive
things to be in my reality was to define it through each experience, therefore having to repeatedly give a definition to things that I had already previously defined as being ... whatever that they were.

Now, I don't mean for it to be like, ie. what a coffee table was and having to redefine it as such.. but when I say 'it' I mean sectarian situations and the actions and consequences of said situation depending of the said parties involved in said situation.

So really I mean that I had to define way of being basically because I wouldn't think of it as me doing something but more of the thing being done to and or as a consequence to or more commonly to the effect of select individuals or individuals.

But, really you're supposed to act according to you.. as the person you are and your past and present and future.. and more importantly as the person that you are.
I know that is.. something that is commonsense and really I have found so many round about ways of saying this whenever I'd have some of my mental brake downs that you would think that I KNOW this... but really this only recently actually 'registered' in my brain.

That is to say, I should act as me... Tasmia.. in relation to what happened to my past and what I want fro the future... and what I think is right and wrong.. at the said time of the event in question.

I was all worried over trying to figure out what is right or wrong as a constant... but really that can't ever happen.

Change is something so prevalent in the universe that it would almost be considered an annoyance, but the chances of change is always constant... things will always change...
so therefore.. there is no such thing as absolute... ( maybe that only applies to the 'things' outside of the laws of physics... )

At anyrate...
This conclution was reached when I realized what I loved to do the most.

I love meeting new people and getting them to think that I'm awesome... because it means that I get to test and rearrange my personality and make a constant around them.
I still like meeting new people and getting them to adore me.. but only this time I don't build my self around them.. but kind of ... behave as myself.