Well, as some people who read this or talk to me on gaia or msn.. know recently i have really just been going through a lot of trials and tribulations... Trouble has been rearing it's head in my life; but i've walked with the Lord long enough to know that means he is in process of working something in my life... something is building up for some great thing.. i just have to overcome and find my way through something...
but... the last round of trial has just really left my soul feeling so wounded... feeling just so inadequate, so not good enough... I find myself feeling this deep feeling of a need of assurance that I am meet for something; for someone. and.. i'm back in that phase of changing up my gaia character's look agian.. i notice i get in that phase where i do it alot... in the end, i often return to either the same look i started with.. or almsot the same but with a tad diff thing here or there.. like, change of hair color... just a little.. or change of eyes... this time i've done a few changes.. they are things i've used before.. but I suddenly find myself with a need to do whatever i can to make myself out to be mondo ultra super sexy... i feel like i need to be as sexy as gaianly possible.. why? well.. i don't know.. just to feel that way i suppose... because I so haven't felt that way lately.. i mean.. i always considered myself a very sexy person.. but, where it matters the most.. i seem to be striking out. and... i know some of it may not even be resting with me...
I was talking to someone today... and they said they felt maybe there is just a demon that's found it's way into our relationship... and jesus is fighting it out... but.. I have always been a very spiritual person.. my mate on the other hand.. while being a believer in Christ isn't as spiritual.. and is very tempted and often inclined to get a fascination with things that at the root of their nature is very "hating of Christ" and everthing to do with him... such as spells and stuff like that... and.. because of that, it seems to me if something creeps in... he'd be less likely to feel the ickiness of darkness that attempts to whisper thoughts and discontent into his heart... i just pray a hedge of protection around him... and rebuke the darkness that has been trying to wage war on me through my love...
I take this stand with the blood of Jesus Christ.. and rebuke the wickedness that seeks to slay my soul... because my life belongs to Jesus Christ... and those who i love are protected with God's Grace.... and I will not just stand there.I declare war on the darkness that has been trying to thwart itself into my life... I will not have this... I just speak out against this in the name and blood of Jesus Christ who reigns lord of my life...
do i still feel bad? i guess.. why should my heart feel so bad? when my heart and trust is in the Lord... why should i feel so troubled? But.. the Lord is my high place... and my strong tower and solid rock upon which i stand...
 Graceangel · Fri Nov 19, 2004 @ 08:22pm · 3 Comments |
