Day after day I have asked myself, how am I alive today? How am I not smoking, taking drugs or drinking out of age?
Maybe its the fact that I am sane, and I know what right and whats wrong. I know the fact that I have given the thought of suicide a thought. But then a voice popped in my head 'whats stopping you?' my answer was immedeitly 'My mom, my family, my friends' but I knew there was somthing more.
Though I was going through deeps of emotion, I knew it was my job to show people to kick people intheir butts who say people go insane with deppression. They say the source of smoking and drugs were caused by depression.
But I proved them wrong. I have gone through nine years of bullying no close friendships and depression and I have never once picked up a ciggerate, tried drugs or had a drink.
Do I love myself? No I hate myself I find myself truly ugly and alone. I find that although I have friends I don't think anyone would understand the pressure I'm going under. I was even dumped by my two best friends because I did things than them. They found it weired so they didn't want to be friends. I was hated because I made noises, I was teased by the way I acted, the fact that I was extreamly emotional.
But that was the past me. I have finally gone through a school year and I am extreamly happy biggrin I have a boyfriend, I have plenty of friends and though a few things have happened, I have finally learned to be happy about myself. And not only shut myself in a dark room and cry over the past. I have had a extreamly happy year in high school. And I am actully excited to be going back after the summer. Maybe not to be nagged by my parents for homwork every few minutes but I am excieted.
So I ask again...can sadness really consume you?
Silver2oo2 · Thu Jun 18, 2009 @ 09:24pm · 0 Comments |