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Lately.. I haven't really been myself.

Chloe says I've been acting depressed.. and I didn't think about it, but it's been a lot of stress..

I didn't get into my radiology program (they filled up, and I wasn't one of the lucky few who got in) so my future was.. s**t.

Then, I have severe trust issues...and I've been working through those.. It scared me that Chloe was making new friends, I became anxious thinking that she was going to meet new people, and make new friends, and live life away from the computer.. so I've been mortified about that..

Then I felt really guilty for being so selfish and somewhat wanting her to just be online for me, and the world to revolve around me solely.. so I somewhat pushed her away, and just became kinda pessimistic..

Then I knew she had done something.. or she was going to do something, until she told me about the thing with X, and so I was really bummed around all that too...

Then there's the whole, I'm not going to college this semester, and I've never had a real job.. I'm getting my license very soon (NERVOUS) and then I'm going to apply for a job doing something I've never even heard of until my friend did it.. so it's a lot of stress, combined with all the stuff that Dad is going through, all the stress from the kids, and it's been a lot.

I'm getting over it, growing up, Ive worked through a TON of my trust issues (YAY) and finally getting ready to "leave the nest" so to speak. Chloe doesn't want me to move down to missouri right away - she wants me to visit first, THEN move.. but really, I'm not going to worry about any of it right now.

It's just a long term goal, and I'll figure out what I'm going to do with my life when it gets closer to that time.. I've been stressing so much about chloe, and making her happy, that I haven't been focusing on myself, and things like that.. and so I'm changing that too. I'm just.. finally growing up. I'm finally really getting ready for the real world, and as scary as it is.. I think I'm ready for it.

Getting my license is the first step, then getting a job will be the next.. I'm going to live at home and save up money, so I can try and move to missouri next year, at least... if not, I'll visit frequently.. I mean, I'm going to visit atleast once. XP I just really really hope Chloe can visit me this winter.. that'll be so nice for the both of us...for.. several reasons.. twisted