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No one to talk to about this, sooooo

Basically, people keep telling me, "no, you're not in the wrong.. she betrayed your trust.. so it'll take some time.." but the thing is, I knew when she had done something, I knew it.. I had a gut feeling.. now I have a gut feeling telling me everything is okay.

so.. it's just insecurities..

some people tell me, "just tell her not to go to raves anymore, not to go to parties", but that proves that I don't trust her.. she's young, and in college.. I can't keep trying to control her, I'm going to ******** lose her... = =;;

It makes me uncomfortable that she goes to parties.. I told her that, and she exploded at me.. so.. I dunno..

I guess she was in the wrong about that, because I haven't really had enough time to get over it........but still, I'm trying so hard to work on my trust issues and blah = =;;

I HAVE A FEELING TOMMOROW...

after she's had time to think about it

I'll probably be single. =____=;;

quite possibly... one of the worst feelings.. ever...

weill we get back together? no clue.. she may enjoy the hell out of being single... she may realize that she's so free not having to worry about me... that she has no obigations.. that she'll probably do whatever she wants, with whomever she wants... and I dunno.. she may go try tons of drugs just because she'd be single.. then she could just go date me if she wanted....


I know she wont, that's just pessimistic talk.. as a matter of fact, I'm not even looking at what i'm typing, starting at.. -checks- the will we get back together part... i'm just resting my head on my arms, sitting here, knowing, that IF we break up, then yeah, it'll be my fault.

it'll hurt.

bad.

but I'll have deserved it......... and that's one thing I'll have to live with the rest of my life, I was the one reason, not her.

I was the reason..... = =;;;

i'm never gonna dance again, the way i danced with you....

I promised her, if we broke up, i'd never guilt her, I'm keeping that promise......it hurts, yeah, *starts reading what i'm typing again* but I'd have no one to blame but myself.

Cold hard truth of the matter, it's my fault.

*lays head down again*

a wasted chance that i've been given......

sigh... if she doesn't leave me.......I dunno. the fear of losing her, overcomes the trust issues.

i mean, really.. if she wanted to do drugs, take x, or any of that, she'd be able to. she even said so, pots pretty common at parties, pot and booze and s**t.. and she doesn't smoke or drink.. so bleh.. but its so hard.. i never thought she'd be the one who'd do something like that... and see, my trust issues would be unfounded, if she hadn't.. but.. she did.

i dunno.. i just dunno.. if we break up, we break up.. it's something i'll deal with.